NC Computer Mama

Nothing But the Krums

2010-01-01T18:34:00.001-05:00

As promised in my last post, I have changed blogs. Come on over to the new blog and follow me there. If you happen to be one of the 2 people who have this blog in your Reader or are following me, take a minute and change it.

And the new address is....

NothingButTheKrums.Blogspot.com

A Year in Review

2009-12-31T17:17:00.001-05:00

I thought I would review my year. What better way to do that than to go back through my blog. Want to take a trip down memory lane with me? Here goes

January
Ainsley Started eating solids
Ainsley learned to roll over

February
I started watching Logan
Ainsley got Croup
I had a huge project at work roll out
I appreciated the women in my life

March
Taylor got cancer
March Madness captivated me AGAIN
Ainsley started looking like me

April
Taylor had many hang ups after his cancer surgery
Taylor's final pathology came back clear after both surgeries
I stopped watching Logan
We got chickens

May
I celebrated mother's day
Ainsley ate Tucker's tooth
We took Ainsley to the beach for the first time

June
Ainsley found a soul mate
We enjoyed our garden
Ainsley became more like me

July
We headed to the Adirondacks
Ainsley turned 1
Ainsley was SO BIG

August
I was in the desert
Libby got cancer

September
Kate got married in NYC
Ainsley outgrew reflux

October
I went through first time mommy panic
Ryan and I celebrated a kissable moment
Grandma turned 90

November
My love of Lists grew
We all got sick
I got a new kitchen

December
Ainsley spread cheer
Ainsley started to look like her cousin

I can't believe all those things happened this year. Some of them seemed like yesterday and some felt like lifetimes ago.

For 2010, I am going to change my blog address. I hate this one. I set it up on a whim when I was on maternity leave and very hormonal. It's a cheesy title and I just hate it. My next post will tell you where to find me in the future. Stay tuned.

The Postman Messed Up

2009-12-22T10:56:00.002-05:00

The other day my sister called me shortly after she got my Christmas card. She told me her daughter Riley (4 years old) opened the card and just started laughing. She said the postman must have messed up and sent her a picture of herself.

Here are is a comparison of our Christmas picture and an old picture of Riley. What do you think? Twins right?

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-15T12:10:00.005-05:00

This time of the year is busy for so many people. We are no exception. This week I am prepping my house for our annual Christmas party (current head count at 58 and counting) and working on Christmas cards.

I just have to keep reminding myself to stop and look at the cuteness that is in the midst of Christmas. Because she's there, right in the middle of it all.

Red Shoes and all...
If you do have time, go over to Emily's blog and take a look at how everyone else is stopping to enjoy the moment.

Brag Time

2009-12-03T21:43:00.003-05:00

I really try to make this blog about more than my child. I know everyone isn't as interested in her as I am.

That being said, I took some really cute video of her today. Here are the highlights. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I Big Red Heart My New Kitchen

2009-11-30T20:44:00.015-05:00

As many of you know, we have been remodeling our kitchen for the past few months. It's been a project of phases. 4 to be exact. First we ripped down a cabinet. Then we tiled the floor. Then we put in granite counter tops. Finally, we added trim to the cabinet doors and repainted them, replaced the drawers, and painted under the chair rail.

It's been a turbulent couple months of tearing down and rebuilding, BUT it's so worth it. I love it! And it didn't cost the $20K that we were originally quoted. This was a kitchen remodel on a budget, but you could never tell.

Let's tell the story in pictures....

The Cabinets Before...
The Cabinets After...

The Eat In Before...

The Eat In After...

The View From the Family Room Before...

The View From the Family Room After...

The Left Side of the Kitchen Before...

The Left Side of the Kitchen After...

The View In Before...

The View In After...

So as you can see, there were some big changes, some little changes, some paint, some hardware, some sweat, and some love. All of that leads to a kitchen that I can't wait to use...Oh and I'll be using it prepping for our Christmas party on December 19th! Happy Unwrapping to me!

Simple Things

2009-11-22T13:49:00.003-05:00

It's the simple things that keep you going when you are down. We are all still battling illness but in the meantime we are relishing in the simple things. And dare I even say it, IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE!

Here is my latest...My little girl loves to sit in our rocking chairs and rock herself. It's pretty cute.

Down But Not Out

2009-11-18T18:32:00.003-05:00

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that we are having a few issues with our health lately. Here's a recap of where we are:

Ryan - Started feeling sick the first week of November. Came down with a fever the second week of November. Got better after 6 days with a fever. Was better for 3 days when the fever resurfaced yesterday. He has been to the doctor and the recommendation was rest. He took 4 days off from work last week and suffered through a miserable day today at work. We are 90% certain this is the Swine Flu.

Ainsley - She has been coughing and snotty for a little over a week. I took her to the doctor the other day after a complete day of lethargy. He gave her some cough medicine but said this was also a rest and waiting game

Me - I have been coughing for over a week now. I finally went to the doctor yesterday when I came down with a fever. I have bronchitis. I am home from work today and probably tomorrow.

Needless to say, I am entirely discouraged. BUT, we have been very cared for by our family and friends. We have had meals brought to us. We have had people offer to take care of Ainsley. We have been prayed for. So we are down and could use your prayers, but we are definitely not out.

My Day Might Suck But My Life is Awesome

2009-11-10T13:40:00.005-05:00

I started this Birthday in a really crappy mood. I was tired and sick. So I did what I do best, I made a list of why it sucked.

And then I had a great friend, Jon, comment and give me a perspective shift. So yes, I am sick and I am tired BUT...

I have a God that runs the universe and dwells in me
I have a wonderful husband - sick or not
I have the most beautiful daughter in the whole wide world
I have awesome parents who love me like I love my daughter
I have great sisters who tease me and protect me at all costs
I have awesome in-laws who love me like their own child
I have wonderful friends who do things like make me cakes and offer to make me dinner
I have a great job that I love to come to 4 days a week
I have a warm house and a warm bed to go to at the end of this crappy day
I have a great nanny who loves my child like her own (even when my child's sassy)
I have new granite counter tops going into my kitchen this week
I have just about everything...

So yes..the day sucks but the life is awesome and I have the list to prove it.

Happy Life to Me!

It's My Birthday and it Sucks

2009-11-10T08:05:00.003-05:00

I always love my birthday. It's a day all about me. What's not to love?

Today is my birthday and at 8:00 I can already declare that this birthday sucks. Here are my reasons why....

I'm tired. I have gotten a total of 8 hours of sleep in 2 nights. I've been up since 4 this morning
I'm sick. I've been coughing up a storm and my nose is icky
Ryan's sick. He has been the reason that I haven't slept. He's coughing louder than I am
I'm at work. This is typical for my birthday but when you are sick it's even worse.
I don't think I have any presents waiting for me (Ryan's been too sick to get anything and frankly he shouldn't because I didn't get him anything for his birthday...what goes around comes around)
I have to cook tonight. Our counter tops are being replaced this week and we have to go out to eat on Wednesday and Thursday and we can't afford to eat out 3 nights in a row
I'm sick. I know I already mentioned it but I am and I hate it

So there's my list for the day. I guess that's a positive about my day...I got to make a list...and you all know how much I love lists.

Happy Stinky Birthday to me!

Who Does My Child Look More Like?

2009-11-05T13:52:00.004-05:00

Here is a recent picture of Ainsley (Don't mind the black eye...she's learning to walk). Who does she look more like?

Boo from Monsters Inc?

OR

Cindy Lou Who?

Lists

2009-11-04T18:26:00.004-05:00

If you have read this blog at all, you know I love lists. As my friend Beth said the other day, sometimes I make them just so I can cross things off of them. It brings such a sense of accomplishment. I did that. I accomplished my goals. I am good.

Then in Sunday School the other day, we were given 2 lists. It was called a Self-Assessment. There was a list called "The Orphan" and another called "The Son/Daughter".

Some of the things on "The Orphan" were:

Lives on a success/fail basis
Struggles to trust things to God
Feels discouraged or defeated
Solution to failure: "Try Harder"
A "competent analyst" of other's weaknesses
Tends to compare yourself with others

Some of the things on "The Son/Daughter" were:

Not fearful of God
Freedom from making a name for yourself
Content in relationships because you are accepted by God
Is teachable by others
Content with what Christ has provided
Doesn't always have to be right
Is able to freely confess your faults to others
Experiences more and more victory over the flesh
God truly satisfies your soul

The exercise was to identify tendencies you see in yourself in the first list and places you most want to grow in the second list.

I wanted so badly to check things off and to feel the sense of accomplishment. Instead I began to feel deep conviction. I was focused on the first list. The struggles are deep. The failure is felt. I for once didn't want to check everything on the list.

And then I thought about the second list. It wasn't a list of things we are good at. It was a list of things that we wanted to have God grow in us. Wow. I'm not responsible for the second list. He is. I can ask but it's not about me doing something. It's about faith in knowing He will.

Grace. Check that off!

When I Survey

2009-10-27T12:21:00.005-04:00

Ryan and I go to a church that is launching a church plant. In hope of not sounding too "churchy", it's just really we are starting a new church with some of the same people from our existing church in a smaller setting. The "mission" of the church is to reach the "unchurched" and the "de-churched". (Man was that a lot of quotes for 2 lines)

After much thought and prayer, we have decided to be part of this yet to be named new church. We go to launch meetings every Wednesday night and are part of a Sunday School. It's a very exciting time.

One of the things that the launch team is looking to do is to survey the community. We want to know what people like about church and what they don't like about church. We want to know where the church is failing. We want to have conversations with people we don't know about their experiences with church. It's a big assignment that pushes all of us into places we are not comfortable with. But, it's exciting at the same time.

The other day I went to get my haircut. It was literally just me and 2 hairdressers in the entire shop. I used the opportunity to survey these women. When I left, I was charged up. It was so exciting to talk to people about church and about God. And while I got some interesting information that was relevant to our survey project, I was given something more interesting, a joy of talking about my Savior. Brilliant I know. It got me thinking about how much I don't talk about God and church in my daily life.

And it's Tuesday and that means it's a day to "unwrap" our everyday. So today I am unwrapping a renewed joy in a God that is there everyday, who wants us to talk about Him everyday, who wants us to talk with Him everyday. Pretty amazing!

The Big 9-0

2009-10-19T22:27:00.003-04:00

This weekend Ryan's grandmother turned 90. I personally don't have any grandparents left and haven't for almost a decade. Ryan on the other hand has 3.

"Grandma" lives right here near us. She has adopted me as her own grandchild. We often call her the energizer bunny. She just keeps going. She has had a few scares but she always bounces back. And we are so thankful for this. I hope I am as spunky and fun as she is at 90.

We had a small get together at my mother in law's house over the weekend to celebrate. It was a fun evening with good food, a fire in the oven (yes a literal fire that caused havoc), frogs galore (Grandma collects frogs and what else are you going to get a 90 year old woman), and the best cake ever (if I do say so myself since I made it!)

Here are some pictures. Enjoy because we sure did.

13 Years Later

2009-10-12T21:55:00.003-04:00

Today is the 13th anniversary of the day that Ryan and I started dating. I was 18, he was 20. We were babies.

We got married a little over 3 years later. We have been blessed beyond belief to have made such a good decision at a young age. I think about the future and if Ainsley tells me she wants to get married at age 22. I might laugh because it sounds ridiculous.

But then again, I know that God has a plan. God's plan included 2 very young people who were both following Him to meet and fall in love when they were just babies. God has pursued us as we have pursued Him. We have clung to each other through rough times. We have pushed each other away during rough times. But the foundation always remains the same. We are committed to each other. We promised each other and we promised God. Sometimes that's just enough. Sometimes that's way more than enough. But it's always enough. And for that, I'm eternally thankful.

Here are 2 pictures from that first year we started dating. I must justify our outfits in the first picture. We were at a Lumberjack ball. As for the second picture, Ryan can still be caught wearing that t-shirt along with all the other "jetski" t-shirts of that era. Melt my heart!

My Kid isn't Retarded But Maybe I am

2009-10-10T11:50:00.004-04:00

My last post I talked about Ainsley walking and talking. I talked about insecurities and how I was sure that she wasn't keeping up to her peers.

Well, I have had many a pep talk from my friends and family. She is fine. She may not speak many actual words but I am convinced that she understands just about everything that we say. She may not walk, but I think it's not due to ability. I think it's due to being overly cautious. She definitely gets that from her father.

AND If she is delayed, would it matter? Would I love her any less? A big fat NO. She's my child. She's the gift that God has given me. I love her more than I could ever imagine. Cliche I know.

And how could anyone not love this face?

And since Ryan is away this weekend, there is a lot of time for cuddling and loving. I'm enjoying every second of it.

Better than all the Rest

2009-10-05T08:48:00.003-04:00

Insecurity is such a plague to most women. I am not going to talk about men because, heck, I’m not a man and I have no idea how they think. Like most women, I get caught in the comparison trap. I compare myself to others and always find that I don’t measure up or that I'm way superior to others.

Now that I have become a mother, my comparisons and insecurities have translated to my little girl. Don’t get me wrong, I do think my child is the cutest, sweetest little girl ever. I just really worry about her development.

Every Sunday we drop her off at the nursery and there are the other babies in there, walking and talking, many of which are younger than she is. And then there is Ainsley. She’s 15 months old and while she does babble, she has no really consistent words. And she’s not walking. She can take a few steps here and there but for the most part, she gets where she wants to go on her knees.

Now, I don’t blame her for this at all. I blame myself. I blame my poor mothering skills. I blame the fact that I don’t work with her as much as I should.

I guess my real issue here is always wanting to be the best. I want to be better than everyone else and now I’m passing that down to my innocent child. How prideful is that??? Seriously. Hello sin, nice to meet you. Pitiful.

So even now that I am publicly admitting my sin, I am still holding on to it. I am so desperate for being good enough when I fail to recognize that there is never a good enough. We all sin. We all sin differently. Is my sin better or worse than someone else's? No. It's all sin. It's all wrong. It all causes us to need grace.

My prayer today is that I let the Grace of God abound over me. I pray that I recognize sin for what it is. I pray that I can let it go and stop this comparison trap. I pray that my struggle would draw me closer to Jesus.

She's Healed!

2009-09-22T12:22:00.004-04:00

This post is about 5 days over due but I kind of wanted to wait until Tuesday to "Unwrap" it. We went to the hospital last week to have Ainsley's VCUG test for urinary reflux. The test was awful. She was in what looked like a torture device. It's a memory that I am choosing to forget so I'm not going into details about it.

The good news is that SHE IS HEALED! There were no expectations that she would be at this point. It's early for that. I was expecting that if she was going to grow out of this condition, it would be around 3 or 4. But as I stood there with her hooked up to this contraption, the doctor told me that he was seeing no signs of reflux. I was excited but guarded. We still had the appointment with the urologist.

We went to see the urologist later that afternoon. He confirmed what the other doctor was saying. She has outgrown her reflux. There will be no more tests and no more antibiotics. We are done.

Here is the face of one happy girl as we were waiting for the doctor. She is happy and she is healed. We are praising our Creator, our Savior, our Comfort.

What better way to celebrate a Tuesday then to celebrate healing. Go over to Emily's blog and read all the encouraging stories.

Glass Half Full?

2009-09-17T07:46:00.004-04:00

A couple years ago I was having a hard time at my job. I wasn't happy. I couldn't tell you why, but I knew I wasn't happy. There were no blaring reasons to be unhappy. I just was. My boss gave me a book to read called The 8 Characteristics of an Awesome Adjuster. Sounds odd since I'm not an adjuster. I read it anyway. The message wasn't anything new, but reading it changed my life.

My problem was a bad attitude. I was thinking of everything with the negative consequences. Never did I look for the good in the situation. The book's main message was to look for the opportunity in every situation. I made myself a little cheat sheet as a reminder and put it on my desk. Every time I was tempted to be negative, I looked at it and remembered to look for the opportunity.

A couple years have passed and I really am a changed person. My attitude is different. I am more pleasant to be around. I love my job. I'm just happier.

I bring this up now because I am still anticipating Friday. I'm still nervous as can be about putting Ainsley through this invasive procedure. I'm still filled with anxiety about the results. But I am now looking for the positive in the situation. Here are a few things I have come up with:

- The test is fairly quick. It will be a rough 30 minutes, but then it is done.
- We get the results the same day. There is no long 2 week wait to drive me crazy.
- The treatment is so much easier now that it was when I was a kid.
- There is a high probability that she will outgrow it before she needs surgery.
- We have the best urologist for this condition. He is known in the field for his ground breaking work.
- We have the Great Physician and Great Comforter on our side.

So as I get ready for Friday, I want to encourage you to take a look at your life. Inspect your attitude. Are you looking at the glass half full or half empty? Consciously chose to be positive. It's a choice that's well worth it.

Dreaded Anticipation

2009-09-15T08:11:00.003-04:00

It's that time of year again. No, not the Pumpkin Spice Latte time that my friends keep talking about. It's time to get Ainsley retested for urinary reflux. If you don't know what that is, check back to my post from last September.

Last year the question was had she received this condition from me. The answer was Yes which makes me feel awful. The question this year is has she grown out of it. I am praying for a Yes answer this time. I have no expectations of a Yes answer. I expect to be dealing with this for many years to come. I can only hope for a different answer.

Now that I have been through the test once as the parent, I know more of what to expect. They catheterize her and then fill her bladder up and take continuous x-rays as they wait for it to empty. They are trying to determine if her bladder empties down or whether it empties up as well. We want just down. The hard part last year was the actual catheterising. This year I think that will be hard but I think it will be worse trying to keep her still. She doesn't like to be still. She's 14 months old.

So here it is Tuesday and all I can think about is Friday afternoon. How do I get through these next couple days of dreaded anticipation? What can I bring with me to help Ainsley through the test? Will I get my Yes answer? I can only pray for peace and acceptance.

So on this Tuesday I am going to spend time enjoying my girl for the 14 month old that she is. I am going to revel in the moments that she gives me. I am going to try not to think about Friday because that's still days away. Today is Tuesday and it will be a great day.

Breaking the Silence

2009-09-12T09:31:00.008-04:00

I have been quiet over the past few weeks. Partly out of respect for my last post. It seems insensitive to follow cancer with something light and frivolous. But I must go on. For those wondering, Libby has recovered from surgery and is doing great. We now just wait until something else happens, which could be next month or next year or 5 years. We really just don't know.

The other reason was because we have been just so darn busy. I know everyone says that. I know everyone is busy. I usually post on Fridays and once over the weekend. Well, Ainsley has dropped her morning nap which means less free time on Fridays. We also have traveled the past 2 weekends.

Two weeks ago we went down to Wrightsville Beach with Ryan's Dad, aka Grampy. We rode in the boat up the inter coastal, which was beautiful. We also anchored on an island and enjoyed the water and the sand. It was wonderful to spend a weekend just relaxing with him. We don't get to do that often enough.

Last weekend we flew up to NYC to witness my oldest friend, Kate, get married. What a wonderful wedding and start to a Christ-centered marriage. I couldn't have planned a more "Kate" wedding if I tried. Her dress was classy and elegant and she just was stunning. One of the benefits of being in NYC was that my parents were able to come down and spend the weekend with us and watch Ainsley while we went to the wedding. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was a beautiful September day like I imagine 9/11/01 was. We were able to reflect on that a bit as we also went to Ground Zero. I still get choked up when I think about it.

So why didn't I post yesterday? Good question. We are getting ready for a multiple phase kitchen renovation. I will post more about that later but I had to do some cabinet clean out.

I'll leave you with this. After a fun day of playing yesterday, Ainsley was being really cute while we waited for Daddy to come home. Enjoy the video.

Cancer Sucks

2009-08-18T08:50:00.005-04:00

I have been consumed by thoughts of cancer lately. It seems like it's everywhere. Every time I turn around, someone else has it. To name a few as of late:

Taylor - my brother in law - Testicular Cancer
Blu - my step father in law - CLL (a form of Leukemia)
Joe - my sister's father in law - Prostate Cancer
Ginger - a family friend - Brain Cancer - for the second time and a totally different kind

Ryan and I are big followers of the Tour de France. This year Lance Armstrong came back after a few years of retirement to place 3rd. The purpose of his comeback is to raise cancer awareness. Through following him on twitter, I found this website (www.fatcyclist.com). The writer's wife recently passed away from breast cancer at a very young age. I read the blog during the last few weeks of her life. It was heart-wrenching.

Now my precious dog Libby even has cancer. We found a skin cancer growth on her back and had it removed. We don't know any more of a diagnosis than that. We aren't going to treat it with anything more than the surgery she just had. We can only hope that we got it all for now. It will recur but the million dollar question is "When?" We are praying for years!

All that to say that cancer sucks and it's everywhere. If you aren't touched by it, you live in a hole. While others like Lance are fighting in public ways, I am fighting by going to my Heavenly Father on my knees. Join me in praying for the people on this list and let me know of the people in your lives that I should add to my prayer list.

Come and See

2009-08-07T13:41:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was talking about my Spiritual Desert. After Ryan read my blog he encouraged me by saying that we would spend some time together reading the Bible as well. He decided to read John starting at the first chapter.

As he was reading aloud, I heard one phrase repeated twice as Jesus was calling His disciples. Your guess would be that I heard "Follow Me". While I did hear that I also heard something else that I had never heard before. "Come and See". Once it was said by Jesus and once it was said by Phillip.

When we follow Jesus and "come and see" we are never disappointed. When Nathaneal came and saw what Phillip was telling him about, his life was changed forever. He came and was met by His Savior. When Nathaneal met Jesus, he asked a question. How do you know me? Jesus's answer was simple, I saw you. He knew him because He was watching him and just waiting for him.

So as I make my way out of the desert, I know I will not be disappointed. I know that I will see. I know that my life will be changed. I know that I am known and that He is watching and waiting for me. What a blessing.

John 1:46-51 (New King James Version)
46 And Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.”
47 Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!”
48 Nathanael said to Him, “How do You know me?”
Jesus answered and said to him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”
49 Nathanael answered and said to Him, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”
50 Jesus answered and said to him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.” 51 And He said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, hereafter[a] you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.”

A Walk through the Desert

2009-08-06T08:20:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted. It's hard to post when you feel like everything you have to say would be negative. I have been dealing with a few minor things in my life that have brought me anxiety. I went to Jamaica for a quick 2 day stay for Taylor's wedding and Ainsley was sick. I have been dealing with many software changes at work that have not gone over well with users. I have been sick myself. I feel as if I am always disappointing my husband. I am battling with the last 8 pounds of pregnancy weight.

In the midst of all the minor negatives and all the anxiety, we are supposed to run to God. Why am I not doing that? Why do I insist on trying to do it all myself?

I have been going through a very dry spot in my spiritual walk right now. I cannot remember the last time I had my Bible open outside of a Sunday. I go to church with Ryan every Sunday and it's usually half way through the sermon that I think that I should talk to him about my general disregard for spiritual things. But I never say anything. I keep it to myself thinking, I can fix it this week. But the week passes and I find myself back in the pew thinking the same thing again. I think I have been in a time of denial. Denying my dependence on the One I should be dependent on. Living in my own independence. Living like a toddler who is always saying, I don't need help.

I need some quiet before the Lord. I am very thankful that tomorrow is Friday and I only have one thing on my schedule. My to do list is short. It contains one thing right now...spending time with my Creator and Savior.

Any words of encouragement?

So Big

2009-07-25T10:45:00.004-04:00

This morning Ainsley showed us that she has a new skill. We didn't teach her this. Maybe Anne did. I'm not sure but how cute is it!

Software Developers vs. Users - No Love

2009-07-24T16:38:00.002-04:00

I have been a computer programmer for 10 years now. I can hardly believe that. I have learned a few things over the years about the relationships between the software developers and the users. Sometimes there are periods of time when those relationships are great but there is always the loom of doom out there. This week I was reminded of the doom! Here are a few reasons why:

Users don't like change. It doesn't matter how little the change is, if you change something they won't like it at first.
If there is a new button out there, the users will push it. They more than likely will have no idea what it will do but the temptation to click it is just too high.
Users don't always use the systems we write the way we think they will. If it is programmed to work in a certain order, programmers have to remember that the users won't always follow that.
Cosmetics are much more important to the user than the business logic. Even if the logic took 3 months to build, there is an assumption that it will work. By design, computer programmers are not great at aesthetics. We try really hard but we miss the boat quite often.
Users assume that if one error message pops up, the whole thing must be crap.
Computer programmers love when things are new and exciting. We like to make things work. We get really jazzed about the new enhancements that we do and when we get resistance to them we get disappointed.
The software that computer programmers develop can become a sort of "baby" to us. We put our hardest effort into making sure things work and we really love our end results. Criticism hurts.

Obviously from the tone of this list, I am the computer programmer. I rolled out a bunch of new changes this week. Things didn't go 100% as planned. It was a rough 2 days. But that was it. It's over. The dust has settled and the users are getting used to the changes. They will become complacent with these changes and go back to being happy. Little do they know, I've moved on to the next set of changes that will come their way!

I Love to Win

2009-07-17T15:04:00.003-04:00

I am competitive. I love to win. This rule applies to everything in my life. I like to win at games, at sports, at tests, at all things. It's just one of the million things that makes me like my Dad.

Today I won at something else; the battle of the will. Ainsley is a great sleeper. She may cry for a minute when you put her down but she will stop quickly and go to sleep. Today she decided to try me. She cried for over an hour. Part of the time she would cry softly. Part of the time she would scream. The last 10 minutes of it she screamed.

I was determined to not let her win. I probably shouldn't have let her cry that long. It probably bordered on me being a bad parent. But I had to win. I put my feet in the ground and just let her cry. She finally fell asleep an hour later. I won. I am not sure how I feel about my victory.

What is the longest you have let your child cry?

The Faces of Vacation

2009-07-08T16:25:00.009-04:00

As I have said, I'm on vacation in the Adirondacks. We are having crazy Adirondack weather. It's sunny one second and raining the next. It was literally just raining on one side of the house and sunny on the other. All that to say, I have nothing better to do than to post pictures on the blog of my sweet baby.

Ainsley asleep on the boat
Ainsley folded into a sandwich with her bear, sound asleep

Ainsley eating her Birthday cake

Ainsley crying when the cake was taken away from her

Ainsley and her cousin Paige

Happy as she can be

Ainsley crawling on the beach in her stars and bars bathing suit that has been worn by all her girl cousins.

In the Quiet

2009-07-07T15:13:00.007-04:00

I am in the Adirondacks on vacation. I am sitting in the quiet of a house that has just been cleared out of children. I am alone. My sisters have left with their children, my father and husband are on the way to the airport with one family, my mother is asleep, and Ainsley is asleep. As I sit here in the quiet, I am prompted to reflect on what this place really means to me.

My parents live up her all year round and we make it a point to visit them at least once a year up here. The Adirondack mountains are one of my favorite places to be. I have been coming here for years with my family. I even worked at a camp up here for a summer in high school. It is tucked far away from civilization and the beauty is just incredible. There are mountains and lakes and hills and trees and sandy beaches. It's amazing.

But it's not just the views and the physical beauty, it's the beauty of family. My whole family was in the same place at the same time. This happens about once every 2 years or so. Every time this does happen, it's chaotic and crazy. There are 7 children ranging in ages from 8 to 1. Actually, we have all the ages covered in that range except for 5. There is always someone crying or hungry or tired. Someone always needs something. My parents are obsessed with making sure everyone is fed. Everyone has different dietary needs. There are different nap schedules and bed time routines. Someone always has a toy that someone else wants. Throw in a birthday and it's just crazy.

Now that the craziness has departed, I am taking the few minutes I have before Ainsley wakes up to reflect on the beauty that this family is. The love runs deep. The cup is full. It is a crazy family, but it's my family.

And now I hear the little sounds of a baby waking up. I must go enjoy my day.

Where Has the Time Gone

2009-07-06T20:27:00.006-04:00

It has been a year. I can hardly believe it. A year ago, my life changed forever with the birth of the most precious little girl.

I have spent this weekend remembering the weekend of labor that I endured last year. As I remember how much work and labor it actually was, I am willing to say that I would do it again in a heart beat to have the end result.

My favorite part of Ainsley's birthday has been the cake. Ryan and I debated about the cake. Obviously, I fell on the side of the argument that we should let her have some. I won. Ainsley got some cake and I have to say the whole thing made me laugh. We sang Happy Birthday with the cake in front of her. As we pulled it away to cut it, she started to cry. She got her piece and she started to squish it in her fingers. She was very interested in the texture. Then she started to eat it. I let her enjoy a few bites and pulled the plate away. She cried again. I wiped her fingers of excess frosting and cake. She cried again. She is definitely more of a Gibbins than a Krumroy.

Overall, the day has been wonderful. I am so madly in love with my sweet princess. While I can't believe it's been a year, I can't believe it's only been a year. I can no longer imagine my life without her.

More Pictures to follow later this week....

And We Are Off

2009-07-01T20:23:00.004-04:00

It is Wednesday night at 8:15 and we are leaving tomorrow after work for vacation. All I have left to pack is our toiletries and the food for the cooler.

I cannot wait. I am so excited to see Nana and Papa and my sisters. All of the cousins will be there too. What a blast.

I look forward to telling you all about it but until then, I leave you with this view that I will be looking at for the next week, including the dog!

Glimpse

2009-06-29T14:35:00.006-04:00

We all have our things that we do that we secretly don't tell anyone. Little things that make us who we are. Sometimes people get glimpses of them, but mostly we try to hide them. Let me give you a glimpse of mine.

I like to organize. Like seriously like to organize. Not the things in my house, but my life. I like to have plans and follow through with them. I especially like lists. For example, here is my most recent crazy that I am actually kind of proud of. It's our packing list for vacation. Yes it's in Excel. Yes there are 6 tabs. Yes there is a column on each sheet to check off each item.

So I got to thinking. Did I pass this obsessive need to organize on to my child? Just look at what she did and you tell me. She put all her kidney beans in her cup holder when I wasn't looking.
What traits have you passed to your children? Are you proud of them or do you wish you hadn't been so dominant in the gene pool?

And They Were Fed

2009-06-27T07:15:00.013-04:00

We have had gardens in the past. Small 10x10 plots that we planted a few things in and didn't put much effort into. This year we decided to go much bigger with our garden. I was unsure when Ryan first proposed the idea. I thought it would be a lot of hard work and that we wouldn't get that much reward from it.

I was wrong. I love our garden. It is hard work, but it is so rewarding. I love going out every day and seeing what new thing is growing. When I cook dinner and know that the things that we are eating came from my yard, I smile. I love it. My physical body is being fed.

This makes me think about my relationship with Christ. I wonder if he thinks the same of us as He is our Gardener. Does He delight in me when He looks how I am growing? Is He excited to see fruit in my life? I am thankful when He prunes dead branches and pulls the weeds. I love that I am cared for by the Greatest Gardener of all. My spiritual body is fed.

Here are some pictures and a video

Here is a shot of the garden from a distance with the chicken coup to the left.

In this picture you can see from left to right, Corn, Peppers (4 varieties), Okra, Broccoli, and Kale

In this picture the far off mass of greens is carrots and potatoes.

And in case you are really interested in the whole thing, Ryan and I created a walk through video. It's a tad cheesy but oh well. Enjoy.

Catch Up

2009-06-21T10:25:00.003-04:00

It's been a crazy busy week since we have been back from the beach. Here's the fast version...

I'm getting ready to release a major upgrade to my software at work which requires a lot of work with Brian @ the Leon Magazine, our web developer.

I exercised 5 days last week. I'm realizing it's much harder to get back in shape this time due to either age or being post-pardon or maybe a combination of both

I got lost on my way home from Jason and Leah's house the other day. I have been there a million times and yet I still got lost. I was trying to not do a 3 point turn and it cost me 20 minutes. I only got home because of my iPhone.

I spent Friday running around the world looking for baby pools for Ainsley and getting chicken supplies. The day went way to fast and I didn't get nearly enough done.

I woke up on Saturday morning to realize that Bonnie Ray the hen was really Billy Ray the rooster. Cook-a-freaking-doodle-do. Ryan had to take him back to the farm for a replacement.

I went to my friend Laura's wedding yesterday. It was 95 degrees and outside with minimal shade. BUT it was such a blessing to see 2 wonderful people join their lives in front of God and a bunch of friends. I happened to run into Caroline who I know from a totally different context.

I picked Ainsley up from Anne's and she was definitely sick. I had dropped her off with a 100.9 fever and by the time we got home it was 103.7. I hate medicine but she definitely got her share. She and I are home from church today hoping she gets better before tomorrow.

Today is Father's Day. I have a lot of Fathers in my life. There is Blu, Ryan's step dad. I love his compassion and his loving spirit. There is Bob, Ryan's dad. I love his sense of humor and how he really gets me. There is my dad. What's not to love, I am a younger female version of him. Most importantly there is Ryan, my baby daddy. He is the best dad I could ever ask for Ainsley. He loves her and is a great model for her.

I have been working on a post about the garden but that is going to have to wait. I'll sign off with this cute picture.

More Important than a Cute Picture

2009-06-16T17:05:00.013-04:00

This past weekend we were able to visit my father in law's beach condo with friends of ours from college, Drew and Susan. They have a little boy, Jack, who is exactly 2 weeks younger than Ainsley. Ainsley has been around other children before but no one so close in age. It was amazing to watch the two interact. I think we all got our share of ohhs and ahhs.

The other part of the weekend that really struck me was to see Drew and Susan interact with Jack. A couple years ago, they lost a baby girl at 30 weeks pregnant. I think that loss really helped them to refocus on the every day. They really revel in each second that they spend with their son. It was a wonderful encouragement to me to see the hope and life that can come after such tragedy.

I think we often wonder how we would handle something like that. I think Susan said it best when she said that she sits in the fact that Reagan is in heaven with Jesus forever. We don't know the choices our children will make. We can only pray that they make wise ones and that they come to a saving faith in Christ. It was a great perspective shift for me to hear her be thankful for the gift of knowing that she will spend eternity with her child.

My prayer today is that I remember this day and this smile but more importantly that I continue to pray for her and the decisions she has in front of her.

The Above and Beyond

2009-06-09T11:30:00.002-04:00

Everyone knows the expression "Going Postal". Ryan has often said that he would like to work at the Post Office. Yesterday he changed his mind and said that if he worked there he would certainly go Postal.

We are going to Jamaica in the end of July for Taylor and Jenny's wedding. Going to Jamaica now requires a passport, even if you are just 1 year old. Ryan has his passport, mine is expired, and Ainsley needs hers. I did my homework before just going to the post office to get mine renewed and one for Ainsley. I read all the requirements, filled out all the forms, got our pictures taken, and even called for an appointment. Being that Ainsley is a minor, it requires both parents to be there.

I had my appointment scheduled for 3:45 on Monday afternoon. It required Ryan and me taking off from work a little early but we had to do it because we were running out of time. We showed up 10 minutes early and signed in. After waiting for 20 minutes without even an acknowledgment they finally asked us for our names, couldn't look at the list we had signed of course. The "nice" government employee informed me that we were not on the list and that we would need to come back. I tried to explain that I had made an appointment and we had both taken off from work. It turns out we had an appointment at another facility.

She did not care. Her attitude reflected one thing...She is paid to do the minimum. There is no above and beyond. There is no friendly smile. There is no extra effort to move a tad quicker to squeeze us in.

As I thought about that, I thought about how we are called to do our best. We are to do our best in everything. Our best should always include the above and beyond. The minimum should never be enough. We are to do everything as unto the Lord. If our job is cleaning a dirty diaper, it unto the Lord. If our job is being a bank teller, it is unto the Lord. If our job is on the phones all day, it is unto the Lord. If our job is computer programming, it is unto the Lord. If our job is taking passport applications, it is unto the Lord.

I pray my work reflects that attitude. Does yours?

Where Have I Been?

2009-06-06T08:14:00.004-04:00

I know it's been too long since I posted. Where have I been you ask? I usually post on Fridays because it's my day off but 2 weeks ago I came down with the flu. Who gets the flu in May you ask? I do. I had a fever for 3 days ranging anywhere from 99 to 103.5. It mostly hung around at 102. I haven't had that kind of temperature in my adult life. Needless to say, it freaked me out more than any other sickness I have had lately.

Even though the flu had passed by Sunday, I still felt quite worn out for the next few days. I am finally back to myself and then I had to think of what to post. No brilliant ideas came to mind so I decided to post a few videos. I was going to post yesterday but my battery on my video camera was dead and I couldn't get these videos off until this morning.

Enjoy!

Here is a video trying to show you Ainsley's new laugh. Listen carefully because it's not really pronounced but it's the best that we have. We will try to get a better video of it soon. Until then...

Here is a video of Ainsley and I in the pool. It took her a while to want to go in but once she was in she loved it. Next thing you know she will be following in her daddy's footsteps and swimming on the swim team at age 5.

I Blew It

2009-05-25T10:22:00.003-04:00

On Thursday night I was talking with my father in law. We were trying to figure out what we should do this weekend and he invited us to the beach for an impromptu visit. We are blessed that he has a condo at Wrightsville Beach that we can visit.

After a day of busy packing and crossing things off my list on Friday, we headed out at 7:00 so Ainsley would be asleep. (Side note, I love making lists just so I can cross things off of them. I made 3 while getting ready for the trip and crossed everything off of every list. So rewarding. Now back to my story). We got the condo late, settled in and went fast asleep.

Saturday morning I wasn't woken up by my little girl until 8. Wow. What a treat. My father in law and I quick threw our running shoes on and went to run the "Loop". Quite humbling to get your butt handed to you by a 58 year old man. Oh well. I'm working on it. Give me a few weeks and I'll be able to keep up.

We spent some time out on his boat on Saturday afternoon. Ainsley didn't like her little pink life jacket. She did like the sand and her sun dome. Ainsley fell sound asleep on the way back on the boat. It was totally precious. She was covered in sand so we dunked the sleeping baby in the pool when we got back. She wasn't so happy with that. We went out to eat that night at a beautiful Thai restaurant. The ambiance was amazing! The food was amazing! The fellowship was amazing!

On Sunday we went to church with Nan from The Joy's of Boys. It was great to see her for the first time in 8 years. We spent the afternoon on the beach. Ainsley was adorable in her pink and brown bathing suit and her sun hat that was as big as she is. She loved the sand. She didn't love the ocean.

We came back on Sunday night and here we are Monday morning. We are headed to the pool this afternoon with friends from church.

So I write all that to say, it would be great to show you pictures of all these fun and new things. But guess what. I got to the beach, and didn't have the memory card for my camera. Are you kidding me! These memories will have to live in my head. It's a good thing we are going back to the beach in 2 weeks and can recapture some of these.

The Battle

2009-05-18T20:05:00.003-04:00

I have always been someone who battles weight. I have never really been at a consistent weight for more than a year. I yo-yo. I am either gaining or losing. I hate this about myself.

I grew up in a family where you just don't talk about it. I married into a family where it's definitely ok to bring it up and ask questions about it. Some members of my husband's family, especially my husband, don't understand this struggle at all. They are all naturally thin or have incredible self-discipline. I have often said that I feel like a giant compared to all of them. (I have probably made them mad by talking about it too. Sorry family. And family, I don't want to talk about this with you. Again, sorry)

When I got married I was a decent weight. I lost my job a year and a half later and got bigger. We moved to NY and I was surrounded by a bunch of people who ate a lot at work. I got huge. I went on Weight Watchers and lost 47 pounds. I was too skinny, like seriously scary skinny, like they were threatening to kick me out of Weight Watchers skinny. I slowly started to get to a healthier weight and then I blew right by it. I got pregnant. I got big (and no it wasn't all baby).

So that brings me to today. I gave birth 10 months ago. I'm still carrying some weight that I don't want to be carrying. I need to seriously address in my head why. I don't want to just lose the weight and not deal with it. I need to or it will yo-yo right back on.

I am going to spend the next couple weeks really praying through this issue. While I have started running, I can't start a "diet" until my head is on right. I need to be sure I don't get back to that "scary skinny" place again and I need to make sure I don't stay here in the "baby weight" place either. I just want to be happy and healthy.

Sleepy Baby

2009-05-11T17:28:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my first Mother's Day, was a busy day that resulted in no nap for Ainsley. During Ainsley's dinner this happened. I have seen pictures like this before but never witnessed it first hand. We could hardly keep it together we were laughing so hard. Enjoy!

The Tooth

2009-05-10T09:47:00.009-04:00

We all know that babies put stuff in their mouths. It's an expected part of babyhood. They crawl places and they see things that we never see and put them in their mouths. We try to vacuum and keep the little things from going in their mouths. Somehow, they always find something we didn't see.

This morning my wonderful husband let me sleep in because of Mother's Day. When I woke up he asked me to look at something. He handed me this...

Yes, it is a tooth and it came from here...

My husband told me that he saw Ainsley chewing this morning and went to figure out what it was and found this tooth. We are pretty sure she didn't pull it out of his mouth and that she just found it on the floor. We figure he would have definitely noticed if she got it from his mouth. But still it makes you pretty sad...Tucker agrees...

Thank goodness she didn't swallow it or we wouldn't have ended up like this today...

What is the oddest thing your children have put in their mouths?

The Examples

2009-05-08T09:38:00.005-04:00

This Mother's Day is obviously special for me. It's my first one. I must say, I am enjoying motherhood more than I could ever imagine. I think it's because I have 2 wonderful examples of what it is to be a loving mother. My mothers are both very different and I feel blessed to have them in my life.

My Mother in Law (or should I say Mother in Love), Lonnie has shown me many things over the years. She has shown me how to be a supportive and encouraging mother. She supports her children in everything they do. She encourages them to dream and to follow through with those dreams. She encourages them all to be who God created them to be. She affirms their decisions and gives unconditional love even when they make decisions she doesn't agree with. She is very accepting of the women her sons have chosen to share their lives with. She has embraced both Jenny and I as daughters. She is down right a lovely person. I realized that I need more pictures of her because my most recent picture of her is with Ainsley right after she was born. Oops. Sorry.

Lonnie - I love you!

My mother has shown me how to exude grace as a mother. She encourages me constantly to look to the One who made us. She loves with such a nurturing spirit. When I think of my mother, I think of warm hugs and gentleness and of course homemade chocolate chip cookies. She is an example of how to love a child with Godly discipline. She is never quick to anger and is always slow to speak. She has shown me how to train children in the ways of God. She has shown me how to love a husband the way that God calls us to love husbands. All three of her daughters follow Jesus and I believe it's in a big part because of her influence. In my head, my mother is synonymous with Love.

Mom - I love you!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers in my life!

No Better Way

2009-05-06T21:42:00.006-04:00

There is no better way to break radio silence than with a video of the 2 loves of my life

Am I Addicted?

2009-04-29T20:12:00.003-04:00

I read this article on CNN.com today. It talks about how new mothers are at risk for internet addiction. Are you kidding me is what I thought before I read it. Then I read it. It described me to a T. I am now back at work and not a stay at home mom like the article states, but I think my maternity leave left me with a big addiction problem.

My problem is not that big of a deal on the actual computer. It's my darn iPhone. I am constantly on it checking my email, checking the stocks, checking my blogs, checking Facebook, playing a game, etc.

I am virtually standing up and saying "My name in Tracey and I'm an Internet Addict". I am going to go radio silent for a week. I think it's the only thing that I can do to get myself in check. I'll be checking my work email on my phone but that's it. I'm going to check my email on my home computer and my work computer but that's it (no Facebook either). No iPhone for a week.

My week starts....NOW!!!

Perspective

2009-04-28T12:22:00.003-04:00

As I have been going through the past couple of weeks as a Krumroy, I have been constantly reminded to change my perspective. As I have said in previous posts, my brother in law, Taylor, has a rare form of testicular cancer and has had to have 2 surgeries in the past 6 weeks.

As I sit and watch, I find myself very sad very often about my own selfishness and sin. As my life goes on with work and the care of Ainsley, I catch myself feeling self pity over a headache or the extra weight I am carrying around.

And then I start to think about Taylor. It's so hard to complain about anything when this formerly healthy 26 year old is in the hospital struggling through each day with his loved ones camped out beside his bed. He is a shell of his former self. Despite every effort to stay positive, he is continually hit from every direction with a new challenge and yet through each obstacle he remains the same Taylor that we love. He is caring, emotional, loving, sweet, and funny. I am not saying he does not have struggles, because he does. Who wouldn't? What I am saying is that he is a fighter. He is fighting through each step.

Please join us in this fight for his life. Become a pray warrior with us and pray for healing. Pray that the doctor's would figure out what is wrong with his digestive system so that he can begin to eat again. Pray for his spirits to continually be lifted up. Pray for his strength to come back. Pray for the strength of those around him, specifically his fiance Jenny, his mother Lonnie, his father Bob, his brother (my husband) Ryan, and his sister Jordyne.

If you want to send any of them an encouraging note, they would all love it. Let them know you are praying for them. Here are the email addresses:

Taylor - tkrumroy@hotmail.com
Jenny - sugurgurrl6@hotmail.com
Lonnie - adorned@triad.rr.com
Bob - bkrumroy@hotmail.com
Ryan - renewedhealth@hotmail.com
Jordyne - siono716@gmail.com

Welcome Sadie May

2009-04-23T19:34:00.004-04:00

Even though we miss Sally Jo, Sadie May the chicken arrived today.

The other girls have accepted her with open feathers. They are our happy chicken family.

With a Cluck Cluck Here

2009-04-21T20:12:00.005-04:00

Old Mr. Krumroy had a farm E-I-E-I-O. Ok, he's not old but we definitely have a farm now. I knew Ryan loved animals when I married him, I just didn't know we would have an Urban farm some day.

If you follow me on Facebook, you have seen me refer to the chickens. I now feel the need to elaborate. I was going to earlier but we got them the day of Taylor's surgery and I felt it was quite inappropriate to do so then. (By the way, pray for him as he is back in the hospital with major digestive tract issues.)

Ryan started talking about getting chickens months ago. At first it was a joke and then he started really looking into it. He was quickly sold on the idea because he is Dr. Doolittle. I took a bit of convincing. He had a friend from high school even trying to convince me via Facebook. Finally I told him that we could get them but I would be uninvolved.

He had a custom coup made for the chickens. It's actually pretty fancy and not really an eye-sore at all. Here's a picture. Notice the cute ladder that they use to get to the top where they have their beds and lay their eggs (which they haven't figured out yet). It's ok because they are only about 9 weeks old and they won't start laying eggs until 24 weeks. And in case you are wondering, because everyone does, you don't need a rooster to get eggs. It works just like us, I don't need a man to ovulate.

The big day arrived and our friend Travis picked them up for us. They were delivered in a box on our front porch. I have to say, I wasn't super excited but then I saw them. They are adorable. Here's a picture of 2 in the coup next to their watering can.

Here are all three together. They all have good southern double names. I thought it would be fun. We have Bonnie Ray (the gold one), Peggy Sue, and Sally Jo. Peggy Sue and Sally Jo were referred to as the twins when the first arrived. Can you see why?

So we have had our chickens for over a week, and I am attached. It was a few days ago that we started to notice a big bump on Sally Jo's head. Over the past few days, it has gotten worse. Ryan called the farmer that we got her from and he asked us to bring her over to take a look. Apparently, she had some sort of a peck mark or a scratch that got infected and caused an abscess. He wanted to take her back to care for her and help her get better. In turn, he is going to give us a new chicken. I can't believe how sad I am to have to say goodbye to Sally Jo. I know she will be happy on the farm, but we will miss her. Her chicken sisters will miss her too. Here is our close up to remember her by. On the up side, a new chicken, Sadie May, will be joining us on Thursday.

Are we nuts?

Know When to Fold 'Em

2009-04-18T19:57:00.003-04:00

I never thought I would be quoting Kenny Rogers, but alas it's appropriate. As you know, I have been taking care of our friend's baby Logan in the afternoons when I get home from work. I had him every weekday afternoon from 3:15 to anywhere from 5:30 to 7:30. I have mentioned before that I was overwhelmed.

About a month ago, I told Jason and Leah that I wasn't going to be able to do it any longer. I hated having to give up and that is really what it felt like at first. I felt like a failure and I absolutely hate feeling like a failure.

My reasoning really came down to one thing, I was lost. Yes there was the fact of caring for 2 infants, but that wasn't my driving force. My driving force was that I had zero time in my day to even breath. My schedule went something like this...

5:47 - Alarm goes off
6:05 - Get out of bed reluctantly after hitting snooze twice
7:05 - Leave the house after rushing through a shower, breakfast, nursing Ainsley, and getting both of us dressed
7:20 - Arrive at MaryBeth's house for a quick drop off and rush to work
7:45 - Arrive at work for a high pressured day of programming computers (stopping twice to pump - BLAH!!!)
2:30 - Leave work to rush to MaryBeth's to pick up Ainsley
2:45 - Spend 2 minutes with MaryBeth getting the run down of Ainsley's day
3:15 - Arrive at home to meet Leah and Logan (sometimes in my driveway when I got there)
7:00 - Put Ainsley to bed (sometimes with Logan still here)
8:00 - Pull dinner out to eat
9:30 - Pump again
10:30 - Off to bed to start it all over again

So what that tells me is that there was not a single second to just relax. I know as a mother that's not unusual. But there was no time for me to change out of work clothes, go to the bathroom, or even eat lunch.

My big thing was that I was feeling like there was nothing left for Ryan. I think it's easy to fall into the trap of letting your baby become everything while neglecting your husband. This is very dangerous but I think a lot of mothers do it. My mother in law and I were just talking about it yesterday. Ryan and I have a great marriage after 9 years, but I would be lying if I said that the addition of a baby hasn't made things much harder. The addition of 2 made it near impossible. This is something I'm not willing to sacrifice for anything.

My second biggest thing was the lunch thing. My work has weird policies about smells and foods at your desk so I couldn't eat anything but snacks. After my second day in a row of eating a full row of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies for lunch, I knew it was time for a change.

My third thing was the lack of time for physical activity. I had no time to exercise or even enjoy the NC spring weather. My goal now is to start using my baby jogger at least 3 times a week. My friend Jessica and I are committing to run an easy 2 mile race in June. I know it's not much but it gives me a goal.

So on Monday I start my new schedule. I have to work to 3:30 to incorporate a 30 minute lunch break and to make up some of the cost of the additional day care costs. I am actually really excited to make this change. I will miss seeing Logan, Leah, and Jason on a daily basis but I think they understand. Here's to knowing your limits!

Argh!

2009-04-17T14:27:00.001-04:00

Why is it on the afternoon that I want to take a nap so badly, Ainsley won't nap? She sat in her crib and cried or talked for over an hour. Who can sleep with a baby jabbering in your ear via the monitor. Not me!

Finally Some Good News

2009-04-16T11:32:00.001-04:00

I just got the best text message. Taylor is officially CANCER FREE! The pathology came back clean and no chemo is required.

We are so incredibly thankful for all of you who have prayed. We can only ask for prayers for healing from the surgery now. The road to recovery is long and hard but we made great strides today!

The Latest on Taylor

2009-04-14T08:06:00.005-04:00

For those of you who don't know, Ryan's brother Taylor has been through some major junk lately. He is a run down of his latest happenings...

Beginning of March - diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. Had surgery to remove one. The pathology came back Level 2 - Germ Cell Cancer
While recovering from surgery, he came down with a horrible stomach virus. He lost 18 pounds in 2 weeks.
The final pathology came back and it was recommended that he have surgery to remove the lymph nodes in his stomach. The surgery would be an incision from his sternum to his groin. We were told this was really the only option since this kind of cancer is extremely aggressive and will not respond to chemo alone.
The weekend before the major surgery, one of his teeth cracked. Being that it was Easter weekend no dentists were open. Ryan's dad got his dentist to open the office and fix his tooth so that he would not have to deal with that during his extensive recovery from surgery.

That brings us to yesterday. The surgery to remove his lymph nodes was scheduled for 7:00am at Wake Forest Hospital in Winston. Taylor was in good spirits as he went back into surgery. They began at 8:11 and the surgery lasted 5 hours. Once in recovery, it took a good bit of time for them to get the pain under control enough to move him to a room. When we saw him at 4:30 in the afternoon, he was still hurting really bad. It made having a baby look like a walk in the park. I really just can't imagine the pain that he is going through. We are hoping that he is past the worst of it but I kind of doubt that. They were talking about getting him up and out of bed today. This sounds like an incredibly painful endeavor knowing that all of his stomach muscles have been cut through.

The initial pathology came back that the cancer had metastasized to at least one node. We have to wait until Thursday or Friday for those results. At this point, chemo might be necessary but we won't know anything until then. I really don't want to speculate on any of that until we get the final word from the doctors. At this point, we just want to focus on getting Taylor through these next few days and weeks. Jenny, his fiance, spent the night with him at the hospital last night. She has to work today so his mom and dad are going to split the day today. Ryan is going out there after work today.

I would like to ask for you to pray for everyone in our family. Obviously Taylor needs prayer for physical healing. Pray also for Jenny, his fiance as she supports him through this. Pray for Bob and Lonnie, Taylor's mom and dad. I can't even imagine seeing my child go through such an ordeal. Pray for Lonnie specifically as she balances care for Taylor and her husband who has CLL (a form of Leukemia) and has just finished his second round of chemo.

Thanks
The Krumroy family

Why Do I Care?

2009-04-06T19:51:00.003-04:00

Recently I had someone say something really mean to me. I'm not going to go into it because it's not important to this discussion. What bothers me is how much I let other people's opinions of me affect me. Why do I care so much about what others think of me?

This has been a struggle my whole life. Call it insecurity if you would like. Some would see it that way. I see it differently though. I see it as sin. Of course it's not ok for people to be mean and that too is sin. BUT, I cannot control other people. I can only control myself. And right now, all I see is selfishness.

Any advice on how to get past myself?

It's Even Scarier

2009-03-27T08:42:00.004-04:00

Remember this post where I said that Ainsley looks like Ryan. I have recently referred quite a bit to the fact that Ainsley now looks like my twin.

Ryan was walking past my dresser the other day and saw this picture on it from when I was little. That's me in the middle sitting on Mom's lap.

Let's zoom in for a closer look. Scary isn't it. We are twins down to the facial expression! I think I laughed for 20 minutes when I discovered this.

How Cute is This?

2009-03-26T12:38:00.004-04:00

I took this picture with my phone last night so the quality isn't the greatest...but...How cute is this? And yes, that is a ponytail. And yes, she looks just like me.

Enabling

2009-03-26T10:14:00.004-04:00

Lately my thoughts have been directed to how much we as parents enable our children.

I was listening to Focus on the Family the other day and Dr. Dobson was interviewing a woman who was talking about enabling her son to the point of him ending up in prison. The story ends happily as he has found Jesus in jail but it was how he got there that has me thinking. The mother in the interview was talking about how she continued to bail him out of his bad decisions so that she could make up for any short comings as a parent and to help her child not feel any hurt.

Last night I was talking to my neighbor Marci who is a 5th grade teacher. She was telling me about a parent teacher conference that she had this past week where the mother was more concerned with her child's beautiful hair than the fact that he can't read past a 2nd grade level. She says that she finds it amazing how many parents enable their children to get away with things that they shouldn't.

Both of these things have me thinking about how I will be as a parent. My child is still very young so I figured it was irrelevant to me at this point and something to think about for the future. Then I really started taking a look at my everyday with my child. There are little things that I do for my daughter that I should be letting her learn and do on her own. I put the small pieces of food in her mouth instead of letting her learn to pick them up because it's faster. I get her the toy that is across the room instead of letting her get there on her own because I don't want her to be without the thing that she wants.

I think it's natural to want to take as much pain and discomfort away from our children. The trick is discerning when it's the right thing to do and when we should just let our children go. Situations like we have in our family right now with Taylor are times when it's obviously ok to want to shield the pain. As we raise our children in His ways, we will have to continue to seek the Lord's guidance and trust that God will use our imperfections to His glory.

Random Thoughts for the Day

2009-03-20T09:40:00.004-04:00

Today I'm feeling really random. Here are few thoughts on my mind right now.

Why don't I like cinnamon? It's a generic flavor that everyone likes but me.
Why does teething and drool go together?
Why does my dog think it's ok to eat the broccoli plants out of the garden?
Why can't I spell words like broccoli?
Why did I end up with the cutest baby in the world?
Why do I love coffee so much?
Why don't I use my iPhone as a music player?
Why did it take me so long to figure out how to publish my blog posts on Facebook?

So there you go. A bunch of random questions. Does anyone have any answers?

March Madness

2009-03-19T15:50:00.004-04:00

For anyone who knows Ryan and I, you know we don't watch sports. It has become a joke to our small group every year during the Super Bowl party. I have one exception to this...NCAA March Madness. I don't watch college basketball prior to the tournament but come tournament time, I jump on the bandwagon every year. I love it.

I grew up in Connecticut and my obsession with March Madness began with this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4CxbjRXwhY

This is the buzzer beater by Tate George of UCONN. Start watching at 2:00.

Since that year, I have done a bracket every year. When we lived in NY, I entered the office pool and won 3 of 4 years. Woot! I haven't done that well here, but I still love it.

This year I decided to not enter to win but to enter my dream bracket. Of course I have UCONN winning it. I also have all 4 of the final four teams coming from the Big East. That is almost sacrilegious here in ACC land. But I don't care.

Go UCONN!

Yeah Ainsley

2009-03-18T16:27:00.003-04:00

Ainsley has a new skill. Check it out!

For those of you who can't figure that out, she's clapping

Week in Review

2009-03-14T08:28:00.007-04:00

And what a week it has been. I mentioned in my last post that I was buried. That was halfway through this past week before half the crap really even hit. I knew this week was going to be rough. Actually the past 3 weeks have been rough. As I explain, please forgive me for being long winded. There is a lot going on.

I am still watching Logan 5 days a week in the afternoons. I have found this a whole lot more challenging than I ever anticipated. My schedule just seems so packed. When I originally set this up with Leah and Jason, I really just thought it wouldn't be that hard and that caring for Logan would be the same as caring for Ainsley. I was wrong in that assessment. Logan is a bit more fussier than Ainsley is but that isn't' really the problem. He's a baby and can't be blamed for that. The problem is that he is a baby and I already have a baby. One cries and the other is hungry. I can't hold them both at the same time. They are trying to go to sleep and they are both crying and keeping the other one awake. One of them always gets the short end of the stick and I feel like that is usually Ainsley since Logan is younger and it's hard to let someone else's kid cry. I feel responsible to make sure he is happy all the time because he's not mine. Taking care of both of them makes me not envy my friends who have twins. I don't know how you do it. In addition to that, the schedule is just rough. I drop Ainsley off at 7:15 and go to work. I meet them back at my house at 3:00 after having rushed home from work. Logan is here from then until anywhere from 5:30 to 7:15 depending on the day. In that time, I am on constant alert and usually don't have time to eat lunch or go to the bathroom. To say that my housework is behind is an understatement. Those of you who will be at my house anytime soon, please ignore it. We don't usually eat dinner until 8:30. I go to bed exhausted every night. And to top it all, my child still won't sleep through the night! So on Tuesday night when Jason picked Logan up, I told them that I need to cut my hours back to 3 days a week instead of 5. I am still concerned that I have hurt their feelings and that I have disappointed them but I had to do it in order to be a better mother, wife, and child care provider. So here is a picture of my sweet Logan playing in the exersaucer.

In addition to that, I have been going crazy at work. Remember this post. Well, the first part of that transition went great. Everyone loves the new system. The second part was to run commissions out of the new system. It's money we are paying out so it's important that they be right. I had the majority of that job done before this week and was ready to go, so I thought. Throughout this week my boss has thought of other scenarios that we didn't think of and I ended up re-writing my job 4 times. There were multiple times over the week that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I actually had to have Ryan come home on Thursday afternoon to take care of the babies so that I could stay at work. After all of that stress, we ran on Thursday and my boss checked each one. With a few exceptions, everything worked perfectly and I got the "Great Job" from my boss. Phew. Now to clean up all the other stuff at work that has been put on hold while I worked on this.

Part 3 of this maddening week is my step father in law, Blu. He has CLL which is a form of Leukemia. Over the past few weeks he and my mother in law, Lonnie have been trying to decide the best treatment options for him as his disease has progressed to the next level. After much prayer and discussions, they decided to go to a cancer treatment center in Philadelphia. They have been up there this whole week while Blu has gotten his first rounds of chemo. To top that off, he turned 65 on Wednesday. Happy Birthday to Blu! Here is a picture of him with Ainsley over Christmas.

Part 4 and the worst part of my week started on Wednesday evening. We were getting Ainsley ready for bed when the phone rang. It was Ryan's 26 year old brother, Taylor, calling to tell us that he had been to the doctor and had been diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. They were doing surgery on Friday to remove the bad one. Are you kidding me? He's 26. He had a scan on Thursday that came up clear so we think that it hasn't spread yet but won't be able to fully confirm that until the blood work comes back next week. He had the surgery on Friday. Ryan, his dad (Bob), and his fiance (Jenny) were at the hospital. His mom was still in Philly with Blu and couldn't be there. The surgery went well but he is in a lot of pain now. The initial pathology didn't come back that good either. It's not the worst case scenario but it's not the best either. We have to wait for the full pathology to come back before we know what happens next. Our church and Bob's office have joined together to provide food for him for the next week. We are asking for anyone who prays to pray for Taylor and Jenny as they go through this next week. It's going to be difficult. Here's a face with a name on that too. This is another picture from Christmas.

So after all of that, I am relieved that the week is over. This little girl has been a wonderful distraction during it all. She's too cute not to be. Here's hoping next week will be better.

Buried

2009-03-11T16:19:00.007-04:00

I am totally buried in so many aspects of my life so here is a picture heavy post. Enjoy

Covered in peas and carrots. They are even in her eye
Sporty Spice in her brown track suit - my new favorite outfitMy "oldest continuous friend" - Kate

Daddy's girl

Twins are we?

Cyber Stalking

2009-03-04T16:13:00.003-05:00

I have recently discovered that a friend of mine from when we lived in Winston has been following my blog. Until last night, I hadn't communicated with her in years. Then I find out that she reads my blog. I love it! She told me she was cyber stalking me.

I have to say that this concept is awesome. I am one of those people who love to know about other people's lives. I am totally into voyeurism. It's the reason I love reality tv like Big Brother (I know I shouldn't admit that publicly).

In the past year I have become completely addicted to Facebook and blogs, both mine and others. I find it fascinating to catch up with people I have lost touch with. I have connected with people from high school that I would never have otherwise. People from my college years are in my life again. I have found people from other random places in my life. Even the people that I currently interact with frequently are part of my cyber stalking. I get to know all of these people more due to technology! And for me, it's wonderful.

I recently read an article about the downfalls of this and how Facebook might be ruining relationships that people have because of lack of phone calls and face to face interactions. My problem with that theory is that I would never pick the phone up to call most of these people, but I feel like my circle of life has expanded dramatically.

So is Facebook ruining your life?

The Community of Women

2009-02-27T10:02:00.003-05:00

When I was young I always used to say that I enjoyed hanging out with guys more than girls. During college, I had very few good women friends. I hung out in Ryan's dorm room with all of his guy friends all the time. It got to the point where there was no difference between me and them in his mind or mine. I have to admit I was there the night they were all lighting farts and no one thought anything of the female presence in the room, but that's a story for another time.

When I lived in Winston right after we got married, Ryan and I became part of a community of young married couples in our church. There were a lot of us and it was one of the best times of our lives. It was during this time that I learned the importance of women in your life and embracing your femininity.

I am still not super "girly" but I do enjoy the women in my life so much more now. I consider it pure joy to hang out with them. I go to them when I need advice. They are so important to me.

Some of the greatest women in my life right now are:

My Mom - She knows me better than anyone except maybe Ryan. She loves me for who I am and in all my faults. She is a great spiritual mentor and a great friend. I wish we still lived close by but I do enjoy my almost daily phone calls.

My Mother in Law - My mother in law is a great cheerleader. I feel most loved by words of affirmation and she knows this about me. She is always there with a word of encouragement. I really do enjoy living 2 miles away from her.

Anne - She is so great in letting me speak my mind. I don't ever have to worry about offending her and she let's me be who I am and say what I think. Anne has been a great joy in my transition to parenting.

Lindsay - She is one of those women from the group of young people in Winston. She has taught me so much about caring for women. We drifted when we were in NY but I am happy to say that she is one of the more important women in my life again.

Jessica - She is one of the newest members of this list. She and I have such a fun relationship. We enjoy just spending time with each other both on IM and in person. She stirs me on in my competitive nature.

Lori - She started as just a work friend but is now one of those important women in my life. She lets me talk about me - HA! She is a great listener and really cares for me and my family. She is always interested in the happenings of my life and never bores of hearing about my child. What more could you ask for?

Kate - Even though Kate lives in NYC and we talk rarely, this list would not be complete without her. She is my oldest friend and someone who knows me best outside of my family. When I have real issues in my life, she is on the top of the list of people to call. She and I have a very easy friendship because we don't have to talk all the time. When we do it's wonderful and feels like no time has passed.

So as I go about my weekend, I am ready to enjoy my women. This weekend will be full of them. I am meeting Lori for lunch today. There is a Women's Tea at church on Saturday and I am having some women friends over to hang out on Saturday night. What could be better than that?

A Month in the Life of Ainsley

2009-02-21T12:13:00.009-05:00

Ainsley wanted to share a few highlights from her 7th month!

I started teething and Mommy gave me a carrot to chew on to sooth my gums. I liked it much more than those plastic teething rings.

Zoom in and you can see my teeth! Mommy says I'm being good and not biting because they are SHARP!

There was a cold day that I had to get bundled up really warm to go to Aunt Leah's house.

Happy Valentine's Day! Mommy was my Valentine this year. Notice my bow. I sport one just about everyday now. They aren't serving too much of a purpose besides fashion. Mommy is way more concerned about my hair than her own right now. I think it's funny.

Me and my favorite pug, Libby. I watch her constantly and laugh at the funny things that she does. She even lets me grab her tail. I like the way her fur feels in my hands. Mommy says that Libby is being nicer than anyone expected. I like Tucker too but he ignores me. Mommy says he's getting stubborn in his old age.

I just finished my carrots...They are all over my shirt but I am happy! I love to eat everything Mommy gives me.

D-Day Approaches

2009-02-19T12:28:00.004-05:00

I am a computer programmer by trade. I work part time for a local insurance company. I have already written a part of the software that our company uses to underwrite business. I am in the process of writing another portion of this software that will handle a second aspect of our business.

This project is a year in the making. I started on it before I went out on maternity leave. We are going live on March 1st (actually the 2nd since the 1st is a Sunday). My boss has actually stated that we are not going to miss the deadline no matter what.

I can't help but be nervous. As with anything you do, you want it to be your best. It is scriptural to do your best in everything. As we near the deadline I can only wonder if my best is going to be good enough. I know that I can fix anything that comes up, but I really worry that everyone's first impressions of the system will set the tone going forward.

So I am frantically going about fixing last minute details. I am thinking of things in the middle of the night. I am logging on to work during my afternoons to check on little things.

I'm off to program some more! My best is on the line.

I Learned Something About Myself

2009-02-15T21:17:00.002-05:00

I have never been that big into holidays. I always thought that I didn't care. Apparently, I do.

As you know, Saturday was Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day falls exactly 9 days after our anniversary so we never make a big deal out of it. Usually it involves the exchange of cards and maybe some chocolates for me.

This year, we were spending the evening with our great friends. Prior to them coming over, I gave Ryan his card. It was then that I realized that he didn't have anything for me. I wasn't very shocked. Ryan doesn't remember things like this until the last minute and I could account for all of his time during the day.

What surprised me is how hurt I was. I wasn't looking for a gift. Honestly, that's not my thing. My thing is words of affirmation. I love to be affirmed and to be encouraged. It melts my heart so quickly. What I wanted was a card with a few nice sentences about Ryan's love for me.

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. To say that I let it go would be a lie. I let Ryan have it. I probably shouldn't have and my motives were purely selfish, but I did it anyway. Needless to say, I made him feel really bad.

Today while I was at church (Ainsley is still coughing), Ryan wrote on my facebook wall. He gave me a list of things he likes about me. It was perfect and exactly what I needed to melt my heart and diffuse the anger that I had built against him.

So Ryan, thank you. Even though it was late, it was exactly what I wanted. I guess you do know me. And yes, I love you too!

Technology Anonymous

2009-02-09T13:41:00.005-05:00

Ainsley has been sick since Thursday and I have barely been able to get out of the house. I feel strongly about not spreading these germs. So I was ready to hole myself up with my TV, my computer, and my phone.

Enter Ryan with the tiller. On Saturday Ryan and Omar were tilling the garden getting it ready to grow all our delicious vegetables for the summer. I had just finished the previous post and published when...Bam...no Internet. I checked the TV...no TV. I checked my phone (we use vonage)...no phone. I ran outside to see Ryan holding a large portion of our cable wire in his hand. I quickly called the cable company. They couldn't come out until Monday.

So here I was holed up in the house and I was stranded without all the things I love the most. Do you think that I picked up a book? Nope. I played on my phone the entire time. My current Word Warp score is 63,800. I know I am addicted to technology and this proved it.

Is there a support group for that?

I am a Mom

2009-02-07T12:23:00.004-05:00

Over the past couple of days I have been trying to get onto the computer to type a new post. On Wednesday I wanted to write something about work. On Thursday I wanted to write something about being married for 9 years (Happy Anniversary Ryan). On Friday I wanted to write about anything. Today I realize that I can only think of one thing in my life right now - my sick baby girl and my need to take care of her.

Ainsley woke up on Thursday morning sounding hoarse and sick. It came on very quickly. I quickly reshuffled schedules and brought her over to Ryan's mom's house. I called Leah and told her to look into finding a place for Logan for the afternoon. I went to work and tried to concentrate. My mind was one place - home with my baby. I left an hour early and came home to find a pathetic looking child who needed to see the doctor. We went to the doctor and were informed that she has croup. We were told to keep her sitting up and bring her out to the cold to help her breath. Make her sleep in her car seat sitting up. Mostly the instructions were to just let it run its course.

So here I am on Saturday afternoon and I haven't left the house since Thursday afternoon. I have spent time just cuddling and holding my baby. She has been sick before but nothing like this.

As I have held Ainsley a realization has really sunk into me for one of the first times. Prior to now I really felt like she could be happy with anyone. But now I know...I am her Mom. I am the one that she wants when she doesn't feel good. I am the one who is there to take care of her. I am the one who will let her cough so hard she throws up on me. I am the one who will hold her as she cries. I know I am many other things too. Those other parts of my life are important. But right now, I am only one thing...a Mom.

Life with Logan

2009-02-03T20:21:00.002-05:00

I started this week taking care of Logan in the afternoons. I have to say, I was pretty nervous. 2 babies under the age of 7 months is enough to scare anyone. I don't know how people with twins do it.

Leah dropped Logan off yesterday and away we went. On a side note, I have to say that Leah did great going back to work. She was obviously feeling the emotions of leaving but did a great job with the transition. She did quite a bit better than I did.

Logan has been a great addition for the first 2 days. He has gone down for naps well. He eats well. He's just a generally happy baby when he's awake.

I still think the funniest thing is that he looks just like his dad. If you put glasses on him and he was bigger they could be twins. I look forward to seeing grown up Logan standing next to his dad.

The Battle to Eat

2009-01-28T20:45:00.002-05:00

I started Ainsley on solid food a couple weeks ago. We have been doing the 4 day wait rule after each introduction of a new food. Lately it's been more like the 2 day wait rule but oh well. We started with rice cereal, moved to sweet potatoes, winter squash, bananas, pears, and today peas.

My problem is that each new food is met with a grimace. She now loves her rice cereal and her sweet potatoes and squash. I can't say the same for the rest. I thought maybe the fruit was too sweet so I tried peas today. It was a little better than the pears and the bananas but I still got a sour face and a head shaking "No". When I mix the bananas in with sweet potatoes and cereal, she is fine. Today I had Anne and Buddy give her sweet potatoes mixed with pears. They told me they laughed at the faces she made. They describe it as if she were eating lemons.

I am not about to give in and let her be a picky eater. I will continue to feed her these foods until she gets used to them. Do you have any suggestions of ways to get my child to like to eat? What food do you think I should try next?

A New Era Begins

2009-01-26T19:44:00.004-05:00

My friends Jason and Leah recently became parents. Their baby, Logan, and Ainsley are exactly 4 months apart. Leah is going to start a new job on Monday. By luck, her schedule is opposite of mine. We are going to try our hands at nanny swapping. Leah is going to watch Ainsley on Wednesday and Thursday all day and I am going to watch Logan for a few brief hours everday starting at 3:00.

There are a few things that I am feeling about this new change.

Anne and Buddy will no longer be watching Ainsley on Wednesday and Thursday. MaryBeth will continue to watch her on Monday and Tuesday. While this is a good thing and it will save us a TON of money, I am going to miss Grandma Anne and Granddaddy Buddy's regular influence in Ainsley and my lives. They have been a great help to us as we have started parenthood. Anne has encouraged me and loved me where I need to be loved. More importantly, they have loved Ainsley. Ainsley also loves them. She lights up when she sees them, especially if Granddaddy Buddy whistles at her. I am going to continue going to their house once a month on Fridays to make sure we keep up the relationship. This is truly the sad part of this change.

As for the happy parts of the change, there are many. First, I get to further my relationship with Leah. I love Leah and don't know her well enough. Secondly, I will get to know Logan. He is precious and I am looking forward to his presence in our lives. I think that he and Ainsley will make great friends as they grow.

With every change in life, there is apprehension and joy and sadness, among other things. I can only look forward with great expectations on this new venture.

Ainsley checking out her new companion

Ainsley telling us what she thinks about her new companion. Leah and I are in for a treat.

6 Month Snapshot

2009-01-23T15:31:00.003-05:00

Here are some pictures from Ainsley's 6th month!

My Inner Yankee

2009-01-19T15:30:00.001-05:00

Yesterday after church was over, Ryan and I spent some time talking with our new associate pastor who recently moved here from Wisconsin. We were talking about his adjustment to living in NC and he said that it was a big adjustment. He listed a few reasons why but one of the reasons was the major cultural differences.

I am from Connecticut and have lived in the south for 8 of the past 12 years. I understand his comment. There are parts of me that I have given over to the south, but there are parts of me that will always be “Yankee”. Here are just a few examples:

I move quickly - I drive fast. I talk fast. I shower fast.
People who move slowly drive me nuts (this includes Ryan at times. I can't tell you how often I'm waiting for him at the front door with my coat on)
I say what I think and therefore I am quick to offend people with my bluntness.
A toboggan will always be a sled to me.
I don't look total strangers in the eye when passing them in a hall or in a mall or on the street. I will always look away.
I love the Fall and I do not consider NC “color” to be the same as New England “color”

There are things that I have fully embraced about the South. Here are a few of my favorites:

I love biscuits. (I may have had this one before but it is stronger now!)
The chivalry that still exists here that means people will open doors for you
The strong Christian presence
The Spring that lasts longer than 5 minutes and comes in March at the latest.
I love that you can swim in the ocean in September

I believe that I am becoming a nice mix of both North and South, but in the deepest parts of my soul I will always be a Yankee.

Finally

2009-01-17T16:08:00.003-05:00

I will resist the tempation to post another video because to most people it's really not a big deal...but...Ainsley finally figured out how to roll over.

At 4 months the books were telling me that she should be doing it with ease. She learned to sit up unsupported before she learned to roll over. I was beginning to think she would walk before she learned this skill.

On Thursday, I got an email from Anne while I was at work saying that my quiet days were over and that Ainsley had learned to roll over. I didn't quite believe her but I can now say with full confidence, she knows how to do it. I thought she forgot yesterday because she didn't do it all day but today she is doing it again like crazy (including in her crib!)

So congrats to Ainsley! You make mommy so proud.

The Reason for Church

2009-01-16T19:23:00.004-05:00

Since we have been back in NC, we have been attending a great church. We feel very that we have found our church family. This is a true blessing because we never really felt like that when we lived in NY. Ryan and I even lead a small group in our home every Sunday night.

This past 6 months our church has gone through some major growing pains. I won't go into it but there are stuggles.

The whole thing has got me thinking about church and what roles it should play in our faith. This is the second time as an adult that I have had to go through major church issues. It happened when I was a child as well, but I wasn't old enough to understand. I am very discouraged by all the happenings, despite fully backing where we are headed. It's hard not to think about how these struggles are so sinful. Church is not immune to problems. It reminds me even more for the need of our Savior.

One of the major things that I am walking away from this with is that church, this one or any other, is not about the pastor or the elders. It should never be about the people. It should never be about the style of worship. It should never be about what activities there are for children. It should only be about Jesus. If we aren't going to church to worship Jesus, we are going for the wrong reason.

Catch Up

2009-01-14T08:23:00.002-05:00

I have really been slack lately about my blog. It just seems like there is always something that keeps me from writing. I have posted a few videos but I haven't really put very much effort into my blog lately. Here are just a few of my excuses:

Christmas
My Christmas Party
My parents' visit
Being sick
Ainsley being sick
Lack of sleep

I guess I could go on but why? Everyone is busy. My goal is to post at least 3 times a week.

I was talking with my friend Leah yesterday (who also just had a baby in November) and I told her that I haven't filled out one section of my baby book. She assured me that I have done a good job with my blog and that I will be able to look back at it to see the milestones. That theory only works if you actually update it.

So the milestones that we have hit lately are this:

Sitting up unsupported - Started the week of Christmas
Eating solid foods - Started on 1/9/09
Vocalizing much more, especially the "D" sounds - "Dada" is just around the corner as her first word (she says it now but makes no connection to Ryan) - Early January 2009

Thanks for letting me chronicle my life and Ainsley's life here. Look forward to seeing more of me in 2009!

Like Mother Like Daughter

2009-01-13T17:54:00.003-05:00

I have to apologize in advance. I got a video camera for Christmas.

Here is a cute video of my daughter turning into me.

Ainsley's Big Day

2009-01-09T16:56:00.006-05:00

Ainsley is now 6 months old. I have been reading every book I can get my hands on about starting to feed your child solid food. I have actually been quite nervous about the transition that this will be in our lives. So far, feeding Ainsley has been quite easy and I was hestiant to change that.

So after reading and reading, we were finally ready. Ryan graciously took the afternoon off so as to not miss this big milestone (and to just spend time with Ainsley and I alone since we have been non-stop since before Christmas - thus the lack of posts).

I did take a very cute before picture but totally forgot the after picture. Oops. Settle for the video?

Looking Back and Forward

2009-01-01T10:17:00.004-05:00

As the new day came today with a New Year, I was prompted like most people to look where I have been and where I am headed.

This past year has been a wonderful one for me. There is not much that I can complain about. The year is really split into 2 parts for me with a date of July 6, 2008 being the transition from one part to the next.

Prior to July 6, it was just a Ryan and me. I was pregnant, so it wasn't really just me but parenting was still more of a concept than a reality in my mind. We were looking forward to the birth of our daughter with great expectations. I spent so much time trying to imagine what labor would be like and what holding a new infant would be like. I didn't think much past what the first few weeks would be like. That felt like enough for my imagination. Ryan and I spent countless hours pouring over the name book. We really struggled settling in on just one. We were so excited to start this new chapter in our lives.

There were other non-pregnancy things that were good about this past year. I am reminded again of how blessed I am with a great job at a great company. I am doing what I love to do and I work with some incredible people. My boss was so gracious with me through my pregnancy with doctor appointment after doctor appointment and many other accommodations. I forgot how to carry a computer around. I couldn't reset our fax server because I couldn't fit into the space to get to it. He took up a lot of slack for me while I was pregnant. Most of all, he was gracious with an extended maternity leave and a transition to a part time schedule.

Ryan and I also celebrated 8 years of marriage. I can't believe it's been that long and yet it feels like just yesterday we were those crazy young people setting out on this journey of marriage. We have really grown up together and it's so fun to watch our relationship change again as we add parenting to the mix. From the moment I told Ryan that I was pregnant, he stepped up as the Dad that I always knew he would be.

Then came labor and delivery. I won't go into that AGAIN. I have bored you enough with it. But Ainsley Elizabeth arrived on the scene and my life changed forever. Those first few weeks were rough but we quickly settled into our routine. I have to say that being a mother has truly changed me. I am not the same person I was from little things I do to big decisions. Sometimes it's still hard for me to believe that this child was once a glimmer in my heart, and then a tiny baby in my stomach, and then a "tiny human" (as Ryan refers to her). I still find myself going into her room at night and just watching her sleep amazed at God's wonderful gift to us. I really feel that this is what I was designed to do. I am relishing in every moment of it.

So now it's time to put 2008 away and move on to the New Year. I am looking forward to all the new things that are to come in 2009. There are many "firsts" in my future from first teeth, to first steps, to first words. But there are also many other things that will be in my future. There will be many great times had with friends and family. There will be more accomplishments at my job. There will be places to serve within our church. There will be experiences that I can't even imagine right now. There will no doubt be struggles as well. I look forward to those to as I consider them wonderful opportunities to rely on the God that I love so deeply.

Let's run into 2009 with great expectations.

Happy New Year!

Things that Go Bump in the Night

2008-12-29T20:11:00.003-05:00

MaryBeth, her husband Rob, and I were talking today about the weird things that people do in the middle of the night. They had some funny stories but I haven't gotten their permission so I won't share them.

If you have ever slept in the same room as my husband, you have a funny story about him in the night. He is a very active sleeper. He regularly talks and moves around. When he used to work for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, he used to rent me cars in his sleep. It's about once a month that I have to turn the lights on in the bedroom at some awful hour of the night to prove to him that there are no spiders in the bed. The funniest part about that is that he's not afraid of spiders during the day. Ryan's dad even has told me that his camp counselors used to complain about his excessive talking.

During our first couple months of marriage, this was something that I had to get accustomed to. If you know me, I like things very quiet and very dark when I sleep. My sisters often refer to my sleep patterns as cave like. I was always trying to remember what it was that he said to me in the middle of the night but usually forgot.

There was one night that I will never forget. It was somewhere in the middle of the night when it began. I started to feel my head being lifted off the pillow. I opened my eyes just in time to see Ryan above me. He was getting ready to head butt me. No joke. He picked my head off my pillow and head butted me, a full on head butt. He then proceeded to roll over and fall back asleep. Since I was still mostly asleep myself, I just rolled over and went back to sleep, although I was a tad angry. In the morning, he nicely pronounced to me that his head hurt. No kidding. Mine did too. This is exactly what a girl dreams of when they start sharing a bed with their husband.

What is the weirdest thing you have experienced in the middle of the night?

A Great Time Was Had By All

2008-12-21T11:10:00.012-05:00

Last night was our annual Christmas Dessert. It was a great time. We ended up having about 65 people show up. There are always a few that cancel at the last minute. We had a great time and want to thank any of you who came. I took some pictures before people got here. For some reason I didn't think to take a picture of Ainsley in her cute Reindeer PJs. Sorry.

Here is the drinks table. There was coffee, punch, sangria, and beer (that red bucket was full shortly after I took this picture - Thanks Bob).

One of the hits of the party was the Hershey Bar Cake. It looked pretty if I do say so myself. Also notice the labels for each of the desserts.

This Chipsy Turtle Cheesecake is amazing. It's one of my favorite desserts of all times.

This is the other cheesecake. It's a Chocolate Cheesecake that I got the recipe from Emerill. Can't go wrong with him!

I had to have a few desserts that weren't chocolate so I made this Strawberry Cake. It tasted great even if it was leaning a little.

Of course we had to have cookies. I made Spritz Cookies and Double Chocolate Chip Cookies (which really should have been called butter chocolate cookies with how much butter went into them). I also made some mint covered pretzels.

In the past I have always made candies. This year it was too much but I decided to make fudge instead. I made chocolate fudge and peanut butter fudge. Yummy!

Not pictured are the things that other people brought. I would like to thank...

Jody for the Better than Sex Cake

Krystal for the Millionaire's Cake

Lori for the Chocolate Pie

Mary for the Pumpkin Roll

Ashley for the Chocolate Covered Rice Krispie Treats

Jessica for the Pound Cake

Debbie for the Chocolate Chip Cookies
Beth for Peanut Butter Toffee Bars

Anne for the Honey Bun Cake

I sure hope I didn't miss anyone but if I did, Thanks! Until next year...

My Christmas Present

2008-12-11T20:02:00.004-05:00

Everyday Unwrapped

2008-12-09T13:38:00.003-05:00

My friend Emily is doing a special with her blog. She is asking everyone to notice the everyday.

The Christmas season is a hard time to do that. We all have our commitments, our gifts to buy, our love ones to visit. It's why it's often referred to as the "hustle and bustle". I am no different than anyone else. In just the past week, I have gone to 2 parties, decorated my house, shopped online for my family, researched what to buy for Ryan's family, and of course baked for my party with the 75 person guest list coming up in 2 weeks.

Last night Ryan got home from work and I declared to him that I was in a bad mood. I was feeling down and I couldn't figure out why. It was classic hormone issues. I didn't want to do anything. I had baking I could have been doing. I had dinner to make. I had packages to put together for our health business. I had laundry to fold. I had bottles to prepare for the next day.

But then there was this moment. We had given Ainsley her bath. I had put her in her red reindeer pajamas. It was time to feed her. This is when I absolutely love breastfeeding. It provides me with the 15 minutes to sit down every couple hours. We sat down on the couch and I began to feed her. She was really sleepy so she was super cuddly in her fuzzy pajamas. She nuzzled right in and went about eating. She was just about done, when she slowly drifted off to sleep, which is something she never does. She lay in my lap, still, quietly loving me. As I gazed on her, I was overcome with my everyday. As Ryan carried her to bed, still asleep, I was overcome with love for my family. My everyday is good.

Away in a Manger

2008-12-06T10:07:00.010-05:00

My favorite part of Christmas is my collection of nativities. About 7 years ago, I decided I wanted a nativity as part of my Christmas decorations. I started looking for one and couldn't find one. I couldn't believe how hard they were to find. It started to bug me that Santa decorations were much more prevalent that Jesus decorations. Isn't this holiday completely about Jesus? What happened to remembering that baby in a manger? I made it my mission to make Christmas about Christ in our house. I started to collect nativities.

To date I have 17 of them. They are all different. I have them from all over the world. No two are anything alike. Each year I pick up another 1 or 2. My parents bought me a really nice traditional one. My mother in law buys me them from different countries. Each year, I am most excited to get these boxes out. I enjoy my tree as well, but nothing compares to bringing out these nativities. It's like my own Advent. I look forward to it with great expectation.

Here are a few of my favorites.

This one is Greek.

This is my traditional one that sits on the mantel

This is my Advent calendar. Each day is a member of the scene

This one is wicker

This one may be sacrilegious but its cute and goes in Ainsley's room. Is snowman Jesus wrong?

What are your favorite decorations and traditions of Christmas?

Randomness

2008-12-02T20:11:00.005-05:00

I haven't posted since Thursday. I have been really tired but that's not really an excuse. Here are some highlights from the past week:

Hanging Rock
Ryan and I love Hanging Rock, a local mountain we hike with a great view. We had one of our first dates there, we got engaged there, and we take just about everyone important in our lives there. My scrapbooks are full of pictures of people we have taken including Majid and Andrea, Tim and Lindsay, a group from college, my parents, Jason and Leah, and Omar. It only felt right to bring Ainsley up there early. Here are some pictures.

Lost Brain
I have lost my brain again. I went to work this morning without one of the most important parts to my pump. I had to have MaryBeth come to my office with Ainsley so that I could feed her. I felt pretty retarded.

Omar
Omar has been out of work since his assault. His bills are piling up like crazy and are all due right now. He was about to be evicted and lose his car. We put out a call to our friends and family and a good friend of my mother in law's is stepping in to pay all of his December bills. What a blessing.

Christmas Party
Our Christmas party is only a few weeks away. I am starting to freak out. We have 66 confirmed guess with a bunch of maybes and over 40 that haven't responded yet. I started my grocery list and I am going there tomorrow. I will start baking on Friday and probably not stop until the party.

So that is all that is going on with me. I will try to be better about posting but can't promise anything between now and the party.

Thankful Thanksgiving Thursday

2008-11-27T09:02:00.004-05:00

Today I thought it would only be right to post a Thankful Thursday post. This year we have so much to be thankful for. I can't possibly list everything but here are my favorites from the past year:

1. A relationship with the King of Kings
2. The birth of our extremely wonderful baby - Ainsley
3. A continued loving healthy marriage
4. An incredibly supportive family
5. A wonderful job
6. A great house that we can call home
7. A country where freedom is the rule, not the exception

There is so much more. As the day passes today, I encourage you to spend some time thinking of what you are most thankful for. Remind yourself that today isn't just about food and family, its about being thankful to the One that gave us life and life abundant.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Sweet Voice

2008-11-25T19:07:00.002-05:00

I hadn't talked to my mom since Saturday morning. I got busy on Sunday and then on Monday she had her episode. I didn't talk with her when we found out she was headed to the hospital. I didn't get to talk to her throughout the day today. I was starting to feel very frantic.

I know I was probably overreacting but I have a tendency to think the worst. I was beginning to feel like I would never hear the sweet voice of my mother. I spoke with my dad twice today, fairly early. Even though my dad told me that she was going to be OK and that they were still running tests, I needed to hear in her voice that she was doing OK.

I think about people who I have known and lost and I realize that their voices is what I miss the most. You can always look at pictures, but so much of who we are is communicated with our voice. Our emotions, our feelings, and our souls all come through.

At 2:30 today, I finally got to talk with my mom. The familiar "Hallow" greeted me at the other end of the line. I felt the instant connection that I was craving. My mom was OK. There are still issues, but she sounded good. I know someday I won't be able to hear that voice again. That day will break my heart. For now, it looks like that day won't be today. I can only thank Jesus for that.

As for those of you who want the real health update, here it is...She is staying another night in the hospital. They did an MRI of her brain and they found a small spot where an artery had expanded and calcified. This seems to be an old issue and not the current problem. They are going to do an ultrasound of her kidneys tomorrow to check for artery blockages. They have given her new medication and are observing her for now. She will be in the hospital again tonight. If all goes well, she will be released tomorrow. They will wait for her BP to stabilize and then she will need to take a stress test. To sum it up, they really don't know the cause but they are trying to stabilize with medication. Continued prayer is appreciated.

Do Not Fear

2008-11-24T20:49:00.002-05:00

My life verses are Isaiah 43:1-4. I have relied on them many times in my life. They were the verses I turned to during labor. They comfort me grately.

Tonight my dad called for the second time in a week saying that he and my mom were at the hospital. My mother has high blood pressure naturally, but twice in the past week, it has gotten dangerously high. They ran all kinds of tests on Friday and sent her home not knowing what was causing it. She has been monitoring it for since then.

Today she took it again and it was 216/102. They called the ambulance and headed back to the hospital. They live in the middle of no where (I mean it) and the closest hospital is 45 minutes away.

As I sit and wait it out, my human nature tells me to freak. I am a worrier by nature. I think to some degree, we all are. I always forecast the worst. This is why I must cling to my Jesus. He is the great comforter. When I have a need to fear, I must remember that he has conquered the grave. Even if the worst were to happen, I know that I am a daughter of the King. So is my mom. Grace has covered us. So tonight I again rest in this...

Isaiah 43:1- 4

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

Here You Go Ryan

2008-11-21T11:50:00.002-05:00

Ryan has been asking for pictures on my blog. Here are a few from the past few days.

I've been experimenting with Picasa this morning. Click on this for the full size view.

Holy Crap!

2008-11-19T16:35:00.004-05:00

****WARNING: This story is not for the weak stomached. My co-worker literally gagged this morning****

This morning started out like a normal Wednesday. I got up and got Ainsley's stuff ready to go. I woke her up, fed her, and dressed her. When she was all set, I put her in her Bumbo on the kitchen table to watch Ryan eat breakfast. My choice of the Bumbo (a molded rubber seat) was divine intervention as we don't usually use it in the morning...but I'm getting ahead of myself. I kissed my sweet girl and my loving husband goodbye and headed to the shower. Normal day so far.

As I was in the shower, Ryan comes in and says that he thinks that Ainsley has "crushed" her diaper. If you know Ryan, he often refers to "crushing" the toilet. I calmly say, "Well, I am in the shower so you are going to have to change her". His response was that it would make him late. I told him that I was in the shower and couldn't help him right now and to bring her in her poopie diaper to Grandma Anne's house. She would understand. He walked away. I thought, "My goodness, must I do everything"

Not even a minute later, Ryan walks back into the bathroom and says "You need to finish up in there, I need help NOW! Ainsley is sitting in a puddle of poo". If you know Ryan, you know he has a tendency to over exaggerate. I figured she had pooped a bit out of her diaper. Not a big deal, just change her outfit and head on. I quickly got out of the shower, dried off, threw my hair up in the towel, and draped myself in my bathrobe. I was going to make him feel bad.

I got to the kitchen and there was my sweet girl sitting in her Bumbo laughing at us. She was literally laughing. I took her shoes off (thankfully I had that fore site) and picked her up. Ryan wasn't over exaggerating. She was sitting in a huge puddle of poop. I picked her up, turned her over, and ran for the tub. Ryan followed picking up the drops of poo that we were leaving. She was dripping out of her pant leg.

I set her down in the tub and started to undress her. It was cold today so she had a onsie on under her outfit. Figures today would be 2 things that had to go over her head. As I took her clothes off, I was smearing this poo all over her arms and her belly. She loves putting her hands in her mouth and so I was freaking about not letting the poo get on her hands. As I lay her back down on the tub, she started to pee down the tub. Why not empty everything out? I reached for the wash cloth and turned back and she had poo on her upper lip. There is no doubt that she has eaten some poo. I got her in her tub and rinsed her down. I emptied the tub and started over again. I then got her re-dressed and ready to go.

Meanwhile, Ryan is cleaning up the rest of the house. He is already dressed in his shirt and tie and worried about getting poo on his nice clothes. I ask him to put Ainsley's clothes, diaper and all, in a plastic bag on the front porch. I will deal with that when I get home.

I finally finish all this and send them out the door. I get dressed as fast as I can and throw my hair in a bun (OK, that's normal for me these days anyway). As I am in our bathroom, I smell more poo. I look in our shower and there is the Bumbo with the puddle of poo still in it. I rinse it out and run out the door. I make it to work at 7:58. I was so afraid I was going to have to call my boss (who doesn't have kids) and let him know I was going to be late due to poo, but I made it. Ryan emails that he made it to work at 7:59.

All day, I can think of one thing. There is a bag of crap on my front porch. I worry that I have sent my child to Grandma Anne's with poo still on her, especially in her hair. So when I say my day was crappy, I mean it literally.

What was your worst baby poo story?

I Love My Doula

2008-11-18T16:28:00.003-05:00

I have eluded to my birth before, but I wanted to talk about my experience in relation to having a doula. I gave you my doula's perspective a bit ago with our birth story and I think its equally as important to give you my perspective of her role in the birth of Ainsley.

For the first half of my pregnancy, I firmly stated that I wanted the epidural early. I didn't want to feel anything, I just wanted my baby. It was about the mid point that we went to the child birthing class at the hospital. I began my journey of learning more about birth. At first I was frightened. I was still set on the drugs. By the end of the class, I began to feel differently. I was beginning to realize that this was what God designed my body to do. Birth was meant to be experienced and not just survived. I changed my tune. I wanted to be a part of the most important day of my baby's life.

I still had fear. I wanted to be able to give birth from a position of confidence, not fear. We began to think about doulas. We were given a name of a local doula who was early in her practice. Being who we are, we thought that this might be a more inexpensive way to go than the most experienced doula. God used that lapse of judgement for our benefit. I called Mary on a Sunday afternoon and she and I immediately "clicked". I felt as if I knew her from the start. She was such an advocate for God's plan. I knew she knew my Jesus and I knew I wanted her there for the birth of our daughter.

She met with us extensively before the birth. She tried to prepare us for what was to come. She encouraged us to read some great books. She looked up scriptures for me. She was giving me the confidence I needed to really be involved in the birth process. I felt good about what was to come.

The week I was in labor (I consider the prelabor that I experienced to be part of that week), Mary was never far. We spoke regularly on the phone. We emailed. We were very in touch. She coached me through the beginning contractions over the phone. She told me to rest. She just encouraged me. I felt very loved.

As the week progressed and it became obvious that this was "it", she was there. She came over at 3:00 in the morning as we were having contractions at home. She used many great doula techniques to help ease the back labor that I was experiencing. She regularly helped me keep my focus on our baby. She gave Ryan and I space to experience this process as a couple and stepped in when we needed more support.

At the hospital she did all those things as well. She helped us through some rough decisions. She helped me to read the signs my body was giving. She helped me decide the appropriate times to call for interventions. This was hard for me since I had the idea of doing this 100% naturally. She helped me to realize that taking Pitocin and an epidural isn't the end of the world and that I wasn't a failure for doing so. I was doing what was best to ensure a healthy mom and a healthy baby.

As we pushed for hours and felt like days with little progress, Mary encouraged both Ryan and I to continue to trust on Jesus. My body was doing what it needed to do. Our baby was just a short time away from arriving.

As Ainsley arrived, Mary was the one that captured the early pictures. She aided us in our initial bonding experience. I don't remember much of that time but I do remember that it was exactly as I wanted it. I remember feeling complete. I remember feeling empowered. I remember feeling like I had experienced this life changing moment and I would be forever bonded to the people in that room.

Since Ainsley's birth, I have continued to be loved by Mary. She is a member of our family now. Nothing will ever change that. She loves us and we love her. I know this for sure, the first call outside the family if I get pregnant again will be to Mary. I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Parenting Books...Love Em or Hate Em

2008-11-16T21:00:00.003-05:00

It's very interesting to watch your parenting styles unfold in front of you. I am quite different than I imagined I would be. I am a very uptight person in most of my life. Surprisingly, I am not that way as a mother. I am actually very laid back. Ryan is the uptight one. Today he told me that he though Ainsley had Measels when she only had a little scratch on her nose.

In light of that, I have found that I have not been overly interested in parenting books. I have been committed to reading Your Baby's First Year Week By Week. They did a great pregnancy book so I thought it would be a good book as my 1 parenting book. Each week it gives you milestones that your baby should be hitting, the average weight and height, potential illnesses, types of play that baby might enjoy, and general parenting suggestions.

We are now at Week 19 and I have decided I hate it. I'm thinking about not replacing it with any other book. Each week, I find myself wondering if Ainsley is behind or too big or if I'm ignoring some grave illness. This is the 3rd week in a row that it has mentioned that baby should be rolling over with ease. Rolling over isn't even on Ainsley's radar. They are going into great detail about eating solid food. Ainsley is not ready for solid food yet. They say she should weigh 14 1/2 pounds. A week and a half ago she weighed 15lb 3oz. Frankly, I hate the games they come up with for play. They often involve a song I have never heard before or some silly motion. They described playing "So Big" but instead used "So Tall". Whatever!

So I am putting my book aside. I give up. Is there another parenting book that I might like better? Will I forever feel like my child is not normal if I continue to read them? Is she so far behind because she can't roll over at 19 weeks? Am I stressing for no reason?

A Hard Reminder

2008-11-14T14:30:00.005-05:00

On Tuesday I spent some time talking with one of my oldest friends on the phone. She and I grew up in Connecticut and have always been very close. I have always felt very welcomed by her family and I hope she can say the same about mine. I consider her one of my best friends. We have one of those friendships that you don't need to talk all the time to still be great friends. We often go months at a time without speaking but everytime we do, its like we just talked yesterday. Outside my family, she knows me the best. Our relationship is nice and easy.

She called to wish me happy birthday and to find out the goings on of the Krumroys. I updated her on the joys and hardships of motherhood. Overall, the Krumroy update was easy and good.

Her update was a little bit more mixed. She told me of the trip to Hawaii that she took with her now serious boyfriend. It was a great to hear the joys of this relationship in her life. Then she got to the hard part. Her parents, who started dating when they were in high school, are getting a divorce. It's hard to believe it. Her parents are like a second set of parents to me. I spent many weekends at their house when I was young and even a few since we have been married. I know that people don't air their hardships for everyone to see, but this took me by complete surprise. This couple had been together for so long and seemed so stable and together. My friend seems to be handling the situation with the grace that echos through the path of her life.

As I got off the phone and Ryan asked me what was wrong, it really hit me that marriage is work and that no one is without a vulnerable spot here and there. I don't know all the details of this break up so I can't judge it at all and that's not my point. My point is that it was a reminder to me that we need to continuosly work on our relationships. We can't just assume that since we have been together for a long time that we will always be together. We must continuosly rely on the One that has put us together. Without His strength, we can not even begin to be a success at marriage.

Now I will pray for my friend and her family. I will pray for our marriage. I will pray for the marriage of my parents. I will pray for the marriages of my friends. I will pray for all the marriages that I am surrounded by. Chances are we all need those prayers.

I May Be Insane

2008-11-12T16:52:00.003-05:00

Every year since we have been back in NC, we have thrown a Christmas Party. Its a dessert party. I love to bake and it's my one time a year that I commit to it. I usually make a ton of desserts. I make cheesecake, layer cakes, cookies, brownies, candies, eggnog, sangria, punch, and more. I even make fancy place cards to label all the food. Every year people tell me that I have done too much.

Last year, I was 11 weeks pregnant and I had a very bad cold. Of course, I couldn't take anything for it because I was pregnant. I plowed through and ended up flat on my back in bed for 5 days after it.

I sent out my evite yesterday. It wasn't until this morning that I actually looked at the numbers. I sent it out to 120 emails. Holy crap. 120 emails means that it could be 240 people if everyone brought a guest. Of course everyone won't come. But what if they did?

Am I nuts? Be prepared for my blogging to cease leading up to December 20th.

Mixed Bag

2008-11-11T16:16:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was my 31st Birthday. It was definitely a mixed bag of emotions.

Last year as I was turning 30, I was very upset. I didn't want to turn 30. There was one major thing that I wanted to have done before I was 30, have a child. I was barely pregnant by the time I hit the actual day, but it was a very hard couple months leading up to it. This year, I really didn't think too much about my birthday leading up to it. It wasn't a major milestone. It just wasn't a big deal.

My day started out at 6:05 when MaryBeth called to tell me that she wasn't going to be able to keep Ainsley. She was cramping and bleeding and was going to the doctor to check on the baby. Right then, I knew this was going to be a hard day. I quickly called my mother in law who graciously agreed to watch Ainsley for the day. I was off to work.

Work was a horrible Monday. I am a computer programmer and there are times that my job makes me irritated. If you know anything about system administration, you know that when Microsoft forces automatic updates on you, things can very awry. This was the case on Monday. I was putting out fires left and right.

By the time I left work, I had gotten an email from MaryBeth that she had been to the doctor and they couldn't find a heartbeat. She was scheduled for a DNC today. My heart broke for her. I just can't imagine the pain that she and Rob are going through. Please pray for them.

When I got home, I had scheduled for my neighbor to come watch Ainsley while Ryan and I went out. I had no idea where we were going. He came home and we rushed out to Sweet Basil, one of the nicest restaurants in town. His mother and stepfather met us there. I thoroughly enjoyed my goat cheese risotto with a portabello mushroom on top. Ryan, who doesn't drink wine, ordered us a fabulous bottle of wine. I have to admit that I drank more of it than anyone else. It was awesome.

From there, we left and headed downtown to Gnache. The display case of desserts is at least 20 feet long. They all looked so good. I finally decided on a Chocolate Cake soaked in Baileys (although it wasn't too noticeable) with buttercream and toffee icing between the layers covered with a rich chocolate gnache. What a heavenly dessert.

By the time I got home, I was still feeling happy from the wine and the cake. I talked to a great friend on the phone for a bit and headed to bed. I am still incredible sad for MaryBeth and Rob but all in all, it was a pretty good birthday.

4 Months

2008-11-08T11:35:00.007-05:00

I can't believe that 4 months have past. Here are some pictures from the past week. She looks so grown up

With her Mommy and pugs.

Wearing her new outfit from Uncle Taylor and Aunt Jenny

Fists in her Mouth - Her most favorite thing

Wearing her first bow

Thinking that Daddy must be crazy

Ah the Memories

2008-11-07T09:19:00.006-05:00

On Wednesday night, our friends Jason and Leah welcomed a new son into the world, Logan Thomas. He is so adorable and little. He looks just like his Dad.

Last night, Ryan and I arranged with Papa B to come watch Ainsley as we went to the hospital to visit them. When my sisters had their babies, we always lived too far away to go to the hospital. It was such a fun experience to be on this side of a birth.

As we sat in the hospital room, visiting this new family, I couldn't help but think back to our experience. Having a baby is one of the most exciting things that can ever happen in one's life, and yet the process seems to blur so quickly. It has only been 4 months and yet it seems like a lifetime ago. I was asking Ryan about specifics of our experience and neither one of us can remember.

For our birth, Ryan and I hired a doula. It was one of the best decisions that we made. Not only did she help us through our extremely long labor process, but she also wrote out a birth story for us. I have to warn you, it's long. It would have to be for the 32 hour labor that I had. For those of you who would like to read it...Here it is

Daylight Savings Time 4 Days Late

2008-11-05T21:15:00.003-05:00

I really figured Daylight Savings time was going to screw us up with Ainsley. She is such a scheduled child that I assumed it was going to throw her for a loop.

Sunday morning, she woke up at 7:30. I was psyched. She adjusted. No problems there. That night she went to bed right on time. Sweet. No problems. It wasn't until Tuesday that things went haywire. She has been getting so cranky at 6:00 for the past few nights. She usually goes down at 7:00/7:30. I have had to stretch her through an hour of crankiness for the past 2 nights.

I had heard from a friend of mine that they adjust their children by 10 minutes every night for the whole week before. I always thought that was crazy. Now I'm not so sure.

What does everyone else do? Has anyone ever experienced a delayed reaction?

Toy Confusion

2008-11-03T18:32:00.002-05:00

There is mass toy confusion happening at our house.

My dogs love their toys. They have a basket of both soft toys and bones in the family room. They usually tear all the stuffing out of the soft toys. They don't leave much of the toy intact.

Libby will gladly play with any toy that is around. Tucker is very picky about his toys. He is partial to the pink bears and the frogs. Sometimes he mixes it up and goes for a bone. He always searches the basket for the toy he is looking for. Last night he even climbed through the handle of the basket to get to the toy that had fallen out on the other side of the basket.

Tucker is fully aware of what toys are his and what toys are Ainsley's. No problems there. Libby, as usual, is the problem dog. She thinks that every toy in the house is hers. Ainsley has a pink bunny with long ears that Libby likes to steal. Today I caught Libby with a large teddy bear that was just given to Ainsley on Saturday. It was still in the gift bag on the floor. Libby pulled it out of the gift bag and started to play with it. I had limited time to get it away from her before it lost its stuffing.

My real question is, how much of a problem is this going to be when Ainsley starts thinking the dog toys are hers?

Halloween Part 2

2008-11-01T09:40:00.003-04:00

Here are the promised pictures of her in costume.

This picture of Ryan and I didn't showcase our costumes well. For those of you who are wondering, Ryan is a bag of tea (his Lipton tab doesn't show in this picture) and I am Black-Eyed Peas.

Halloween Part 1

2008-10-31T15:07:00.004-04:00

Here are pictures of Ainsley's Halloween outfit. Pictures of her in costume to be posted later