When I Survey

Ryan and I go to a church that is launching a church plant. In hope of not sounding too "churchy", it's just really we are starting a new church with some of the same people from our existing church in a smaller setting. The "mission" of the church is to reach the "unchurched" and the "de-churched". (Man was that a lot of quotes for 2 lines)

After much thought and prayer, we have decided to be part of this yet to be named new church. We go to launch meetings every Wednesday night and are part of a Sunday School. It's a very exciting time.

One of the things that the launch team is looking to do is to survey the community. We want to know what people like about church and what they don't like about church. We want to know where the church is failing. We want to have conversations with people we don't know about their experiences with church. It's a big assignment that pushes all of us into places we are not comfortable with. But, it's exciting at the same time.

The other day I went to get my haircut. It was literally just me and 2 hairdressers in the entire shop. I used the opportunity to survey these women. When I left, I was charged up. It was so exciting to talk to people about church and about God. And while I got some interesting information that was relevant to our survey project, I was given something more interesting, a joy of talking about my Savior. Brilliant I know. It got me thinking about how much I don't talk about God and church in my daily life.

And it's Tuesday and that means it's a day to "unwrap" our everyday. So today I am unwrapping a renewed joy in a God that is there everyday, who wants us to talk about Him everyday, who wants us to talk with Him everyday. Pretty amazing!

The Big 9-0

This weekend Ryan's grandmother turned 90. I personally don't have any grandparents left and haven't for almost a decade. Ryan on the other hand has 3.

"Grandma" lives right here near us. She has adopted me as her own grandchild. We often call her the energizer bunny. She just keeps going. She has had a few scares but she always bounces back. And we are so thankful for this. I hope I am as spunky and fun as she is at 90.

We had a small get together at my mother in law's house over the weekend to celebrate. It was a fun evening with good food, a fire in the oven (yes a literal fire that caused havoc), frogs galore (Grandma collects frogs and what else are you going to get a 90 year old woman), and the best cake ever (if I do say so myself since I made it!)

Here are some pictures. Enjoy because we sure did.

13 Years Later

Today is the 13th anniversary of the day that Ryan and I started dating. I was 18, he was 20. We were babies.

We got married a little over 3 years later. We have been blessed beyond belief to have made such a good decision at a young age. I think about the future and if Ainsley tells me she wants to get married at age 22. I might laugh because it sounds ridiculous.

But then again, I know that God has a plan. God's plan included 2 very young people who were both following Him to meet and fall in love when they were just babies. God has pursued us as we have pursued Him. We have clung to each other through rough times. We have pushed each other away during rough times. But the foundation always remains the same. We are committed to each other. We promised each other and we promised God. Sometimes that's just enough. Sometimes that's way more than enough. But it's always enough. And for that, I'm eternally thankful.

Here are 2 pictures from that first year we started dating. I must justify our outfits in the first picture. We were at a Lumberjack ball. As for the second picture, Ryan can still be caught wearing that t-shirt along with all the other "jetski" t-shirts of that era. Melt my heart!

My Kid isn't Retarded But Maybe I am

My last post I talked about Ainsley walking and talking. I talked about insecurities and how I was sure that she wasn't keeping up to her peers.

Well, I have had many a pep talk from my friends and family. She is fine. She may not speak many actual words but I am convinced that she understands just about everything that we say. She may not walk, but I think it's not due to ability. I think it's due to being overly cautious. She definitely gets that from her father.

AND If she is delayed, would it matter? Would I love her any less? A big fat NO. She's my child. She's the gift that God has given me. I love her more than I could ever imagine. Cliche I know.

And how could anyone not love this face?

And since Ryan is away this weekend, there is a lot of time for cuddling and loving. I'm enjoying every second of it.

Better than all the Rest

Insecurity is such a plague to most women. I am not going to talk about men because, heck, I’m not a man and I have no idea how they think. Like most women, I get caught in the comparison trap. I compare myself to others and always find that I don’t measure up or that I'm way superior to others.

Now that I have become a mother, my comparisons and insecurities have translated to my little girl. Don’t get me wrong, I do think my child is the cutest, sweetest little girl ever. I just really worry about her development.

Every Sunday we drop her off at the nursery and there are the other babies in there, walking and talking, many of which are younger than she is. And then there is Ainsley. She’s 15 months old and while she does babble, she has no really consistent words. And she’s not walking. She can take a few steps here and there but for the most part, she gets where she wants to go on her knees.

Now, I don’t blame her for this at all. I blame myself. I blame my poor mothering skills. I blame the fact that I don’t work with her as much as I should.

I guess my real issue here is always wanting to be the best. I want to be better than everyone else and now I’m passing that down to my innocent child. How prideful is that??? Seriously. Hello sin, nice to meet you. Pitiful.

So even now that I am publicly admitting my sin, I am still holding on to it. I am so desperate for being good enough when I fail to recognize that there is never a good enough. We all sin. We all sin differently. Is my sin better or worse than someone else's? No. It's all sin. It's all wrong. It all causes us to need grace.

My prayer today is that I let the Grace of God abound over me. I pray that I recognize sin for what it is. I pray that I can let it go and stop this comparison trap. I pray that my struggle would draw me closer to Jesus.