Down But Not Out

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that we are having a few issues with our health lately. Here's a recap of where we are:

Ryan - Started feeling sick the first week of November. Came down with a fever the second week of November. Got better after 6 days with a fever. Was better for 3 days when the fever resurfaced yesterday. He has been to the doctor and the recommendation was rest. He took 4 days off from work last week and suffered through a miserable day today at work. We are 90% certain this is the Swine Flu.

Ainsley - She has been coughing and snotty for a little over a week. I took her to the doctor the other day after a complete day of lethargy. He gave her some cough medicine but said this was also a rest and waiting game

Me - I have been coughing for over a week now. I finally went to the doctor yesterday when I came down with a fever. I have bronchitis. I am home from work today and probably tomorrow.

Needless to say, I am entirely discouraged. BUT, we have been very cared for by our family and friends. We have had meals brought to us. We have had people offer to take care of Ainsley. We have been prayed for. So we are down and could use your prayers, but we are definitely not out.

The Big 9-0

This weekend Ryan's grandmother turned 90. I personally don't have any grandparents left and haven't for almost a decade. Ryan on the other hand has 3.

"Grandma" lives right here near us. She has adopted me as her own grandchild. We often call her the energizer bunny. She just keeps going. She has had a few scares but she always bounces back. And we are so thankful for this. I hope I am as spunky and fun as she is at 90.

We had a small get together at my mother in law's house over the weekend to celebrate. It was a fun evening with good food, a fire in the oven (yes a literal fire that caused havoc), frogs galore (Grandma collects frogs and what else are you going to get a 90 year old woman), and the best cake ever (if I do say so myself since I made it!)

Here are some pictures. Enjoy because we sure did.

Glass Half Full?

A couple years ago I was having a hard time at my job. I wasn't happy. I couldn't tell you why, but I knew I wasn't happy. There were no blaring reasons to be unhappy. I just was. My boss gave me a book to read called The 8 Characteristics of an Awesome Adjuster. Sounds odd since I'm not an adjuster. I read it anyway. The message wasn't anything new, but reading it changed my life.

My problem was a bad attitude. I was thinking of everything with the negative consequences. Never did I look for the good in the situation. The book's main message was to look for the opportunity in every situation. I made myself a little cheat sheet as a reminder and put it on my desk. Every time I was tempted to be negative, I looked at it and remembered to look for the opportunity.

A couple years have passed and I really am a changed person. My attitude is different. I am more pleasant to be around. I love my job. I'm just happier.

I bring this up now because I am still anticipating Friday. I'm still nervous as can be about putting Ainsley through this invasive procedure. I'm still filled with anxiety about the results. But I am now looking for the positive in the situation. Here are a few things I have come up with:

- The test is fairly quick. It will be a rough 30 minutes, but then it is done.
- We get the results the same day. There is no long 2 week wait to drive me crazy.
- The treatment is so much easier now that it was when I was a kid.
- There is a high probability that she will outgrow it before she needs surgery.
- We have the best urologist for this condition. He is known in the field for his ground breaking work.
- We have the Great Physician and Great Comforter on our side.

So as I get ready for Friday, I want to encourage you to take a look at your life. Inspect your attitude. Are you looking at the glass half full or half empty? Consciously chose to be positive. It's a choice that's well worth it.

Dreaded Anticipation

It's that time of year again. No, not the Pumpkin Spice Latte time that my friends keep talking about. It's time to get Ainsley retested for urinary reflux. If you don't know what that is, check back to my post from last September.

Last year the question was had she received this condition from me. The answer was Yes which makes me feel awful. The question this year is has she grown out of it. I am praying for a Yes answer this time. I have no expectations of a Yes answer. I expect to be dealing with this for many years to come. I can only hope for a different answer.

Now that I have been through the test once as the parent, I know more of what to expect. They catheterize her and then fill her bladder up and take continuous x-rays as they wait for it to empty. They are trying to determine if her bladder empties down or whether it empties up as well. We want just down. The hard part last year was the actual catheterising. This year I think that will be hard but I think it will be worse trying to keep her still. She doesn't like to be still. She's 14 months old.

So here it is Tuesday and all I can think about is Friday afternoon. How do I get through these next couple days of dreaded anticipation? What can I bring with me to help Ainsley through the test? Will I get my Yes answer? I can only pray for peace and acceptance.

So on this Tuesday I am going to spend time enjoying my girl for the 14 month old that she is. I am going to revel in the moments that she gives me. I am going to try not to think about Friday because that's still days away. Today is Tuesday and it will be a great day.

Breaking the Silence

I have been quiet over the past few weeks. Partly out of respect for my last post. It seems insensitive to follow cancer with something light and frivolous. But I must go on. For those wondering, Libby has recovered from surgery and is doing great. We now just wait until something else happens, which could be next month or next year or 5 years. We really just don't know.

The other reason was because we have been just so darn busy. I know everyone says that. I know everyone is busy. I usually post on Fridays and once over the weekend. Well, Ainsley has dropped her morning nap which means less free time on Fridays. We also have traveled the past 2 weekends.

Two weeks ago we went down to Wrightsville Beach with Ryan's Dad, aka Grampy. We rode in the boat up the inter coastal, which was beautiful. We also anchored on an island and enjoyed the water and the sand. It was wonderful to spend a weekend just relaxing with him. We don't get to do that often enough.

Last weekend we flew up to NYC to witness my oldest friend, Kate, get married. What a wonderful wedding and start to a Christ-centered marriage. I couldn't have planned a more "Kate" wedding if I tried. Her dress was classy and elegant and she just was stunning. One of the benefits of being in NYC was that my parents were able to come down and spend the weekend with us and watch Ainsley while we went to the wedding. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was a beautiful September day like I imagine 9/11/01 was. We were able to reflect on that a bit as we also went to Ground Zero. I still get choked up when I think about it.

So why didn't I post yesterday? Good question. We are getting ready for a multiple phase kitchen renovation. I will post more about that later but I had to do some cabinet clean out.

I'll leave you with this. After a fun day of playing yesterday, Ainsley was being really cute while we waited for Daddy to come home. Enjoy the video.

Cancer Sucks

I have been consumed by thoughts of cancer lately. It seems like it's everywhere. Every time I turn around, someone else has it. To name a few as of late:

• Taylor - my brother in law - Testicular Cancer
• Blu - my step father in law - CLL (a form of Leukemia)
• Joe - my sister's father in law - Prostate Cancer
• Ginger - a family friend - Brain Cancer - for the second time and a totally different kind

Ryan and I are big followers of the Tour de France. This year Lance Armstrong came back after a few years of retirement to place 3rd. The purpose of his comeback is to raise cancer awareness. Through following him on twitter, I found this website (www.fatcyclist.com). The writer's wife recently passed away from breast cancer at a very young age. I read the blog during the last few weeks of her life. It was heart-wrenching.

Now my precious dog Libby even has cancer. We found a skin cancer growth on her back and had it removed. We don't know any more of a diagnosis than that. We aren't going to treat it with anything more than the surgery she just had. We can only hope that we got it all for now. It will recur but the million dollar question is "When?" We are praying for years!

All that to say that cancer sucks and it's everywhere. If you aren't touched by it, you live in a hole. While others like Lance are fighting in public ways, I am fighting by going to my Heavenly Father on my knees. Join me in praying for the people on this list and let me know of the people in your lives that I should add to my prayer list.

In the Quiet

I am in the Adirondacks on vacation. I am sitting in the quiet of a house that has just been cleared out of children. I am alone. My sisters have left with their children, my father and husband are on the way to the airport with one family, my mother is asleep, and Ainsley is asleep. As I sit here in the quiet, I am prompted to reflect on what this place really means to me.

My parents live up her all year round and we make it a point to visit them at least once a year up here. The Adirondack mountains are one of my favorite places to be. I have been coming here for years with my family. I even worked at a camp up here for a summer in high school. It is tucked far away from civilization and the beauty is just incredible. There are mountains and lakes and hills and trees and sandy beaches. It's amazing.

But it's not just the views and the physical beauty, it's the beauty of family. My whole family was in the same place at the same time. This happens about once every 2 years or so. Every time this does happen, it's chaotic and crazy. There are 7 children ranging in ages from 8 to 1. Actually, we have all the ages covered in that range except for 5. There is always someone crying or hungry or tired. Someone always needs something. My parents are obsessed with making sure everyone is fed. Everyone has different dietary needs. There are different nap schedules and bed time routines. Someone always has a toy that someone else wants. Throw in a birthday and it's just crazy.

Now that the craziness has departed, I am taking the few minutes I have before Ainsley wakes up to reflect on the beauty that this family is. The love runs deep. The cup is full. It is a crazy family, but it's my family.

And now I hear the little sounds of a baby waking up. I must go enjoy my day.

And We Are Off

It is Wednesday night at 8:15 and we are leaving tomorrow after work for vacation. All I have left to pack is our toiletries and the food for the cooler.


I cannot wait. I am so excited to see Nana and Papa and my sisters. All of the cousins will be there too. What a blast.


I look forward to telling you all about it but until then, I leave you with this view that I will be looking at for the next week, including the dog!

Catch Up

It's been a crazy busy week since we have been back from the beach. Here's the fast version...

I'm getting ready to release a major upgrade to my software at work which requires a lot of work with Brian @ the Leon Magazine, our web developer.

I exercised 5 days last week. I'm realizing it's much harder to get back in shape this time due to either age or being post-pardon or maybe a combination of both

I got lost on my way home from Jason and Leah's house the other day. I have been there a million times and yet I still got lost. I was trying to not do a 3 point turn and it cost me 20 minutes. I only got home because of my iPhone.

I spent Friday running around the world looking for baby pools for Ainsley and getting chicken supplies. The day went way to fast and I didn't get nearly enough done.

I woke up on Saturday morning to realize that Bonnie Ray the hen was really Billy Ray the rooster. Cook-a-freaking-doodle-do. Ryan had to take him back to the farm for a replacement.

I went to my friend Laura's wedding yesterday. It was 95 degrees and outside with minimal shade. BUT it was such a blessing to see 2 wonderful people join their lives in front of God and a bunch of friends. I happened to run into Caroline who I know from a totally different context.

I picked Ainsley up from Anne's and she was definitely sick. I had dropped her off with a 100.9 fever and by the time we got home it was 103.7. I hate medicine but she definitely got her share. She and I are home from church today hoping she gets better before tomorrow.

Today is Father's Day. I have a lot of Fathers in my life. There is Blu, Ryan's step dad. I love his compassion and his loving spirit. There is Bob, Ryan's dad. I love his sense of humor and how he really gets me. There is my dad. What's not to love, I am a younger female version of him. Most importantly there is Ryan, my baby daddy. He is the best dad I could ever ask for Ainsley. He loves her and is a great model for her.

I have been working on a post about the garden but that is going to have to wait. I'll sign off with this cute picture.

Perspective

As I have been going through the past couple of weeks as a Krumroy, I have been constantly reminded to change my perspective. As I have said in previous posts, my brother in law, Taylor, has a rare form of testicular cancer and has had to have 2 surgeries in the past 6 weeks.

As I sit and watch, I find myself very sad very often about my own selfishness and sin. As my life goes on with work and the care of Ainsley, I catch myself feeling self pity over a headache or the extra weight I am carrying around.

And then I start to think about Taylor. It's so hard to complain about anything when this formerly healthy 26 year old is in the hospital struggling through each day with his loved ones camped out beside his bed. He is a shell of his former self. Despite every effort to stay positive, he is continually hit from every direction with a new challenge and yet through each obstacle he remains the same Taylor that we love. He is caring, emotional, loving, sweet, and funny. I am not saying he does not have struggles, because he does. Who wouldn't? What I am saying is that he is a fighter. He is fighting through each step.

Please join us in this fight for his life. Become a pray warrior with us and pray for healing. Pray that the doctor's would figure out what is wrong with his digestive system so that he can begin to eat again. Pray for his spirits to continually be lifted up. Pray for his strength to come back. Pray for the strength of those around him, specifically his fiance Jenny, his mother Lonnie, his father Bob, his brother (my husband) Ryan, and his sister Jordyne.

If you want to send any of them an encouraging note, they would all love it. Let them know you are praying for them. Here are the email addresses:

Taylor - tkrumroy@hotmail.com
Jenny - sugurgurrl6@hotmail.com
Lonnie - adorned@triad.rr.com
Bob - bkrumroy@hotmail.com
Ryan - renewedhealth@hotmail.com
Jordyne - siono716@gmail.com

Finally Some Good News

I just got the best text message. Taylor is officially CANCER FREE! The pathology came back clean and no chemo is required.

We are so incredibly thankful for all of you who have prayed. We can only ask for prayers for healing from the surgery now. The road to recovery is long and hard but we made great strides today!

The Latest on Taylor

For those of you who don't know, Ryan's brother Taylor has been through some major junk lately. He is a run down of his latest happenings...

• Beginning of March - diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. Had surgery to remove one. The pathology came back Level 2 - Germ Cell Cancer
• While recovering from surgery, he came down with a horrible stomach virus. He lost 18 pounds in 2 weeks.
• The final pathology came back and it was recommended that he have surgery to remove the lymph nodes in his stomach. The surgery would be an incision from his sternum to his groin. We were told this was really the only option since this kind of cancer is extremely aggressive and will not respond to chemo alone.
• The weekend before the major surgery, one of his teeth cracked. Being that it was Easter weekend no dentists were open. Ryan's dad got his dentist to open the office and fix his tooth so that he would not have to deal with that during his extensive recovery from surgery.

That brings us to yesterday. The surgery to remove his lymph nodes was scheduled for 7:00am at Wake Forest Hospital in Winston. Taylor was in good spirits as he went back into surgery. They began at 8:11 and the surgery lasted 5 hours. Once in recovery, it took a good bit of time for them to get the pain under control enough to move him to a room. When we saw him at 4:30 in the afternoon, he was still hurting really bad. It made having a baby look like a walk in the park. I really just can't imagine the pain that he is going through. We are hoping that he is past the worst of it but I kind of doubt that. They were talking about getting him up and out of bed today. This sounds like an incredibly painful endeavor knowing that all of his stomach muscles have been cut through.

The initial pathology came back that the cancer had metastasized to at least one node. We have to wait until Thursday or Friday for those results. At this point, chemo might be necessary but we won't know anything until then. I really don't want to speculate on any of that until we get the final word from the doctors. At this point, we just want to focus on getting Taylor through these next few days and weeks. Jenny, his fiance, spent the night with him at the hospital last night. She has to work today so his mom and dad are going to split the day today. Ryan is going out there after work today.

I would like to ask for you to pray for everyone in our family. Obviously Taylor needs prayer for physical healing. Pray also for Jenny, his fiance as she supports him through this. Pray for Bob and Lonnie, Taylor's mom and dad. I can't even imagine seeing my child go through such an ordeal. Pray for Lonnie specifically as she balances care for Taylor and her husband who has CLL (a form of Leukemia) and has just finished his second round of chemo.

Thanks
The Krumroy family

Week in Review

And what a week it has been. I mentioned in my last post that I was buried. That was halfway through this past week before half the crap really even hit. I knew this week was going to be rough. Actually the past 3 weeks have been rough. As I explain, please forgive me for being long winded. There is a lot going on.

I am still watching Logan 5 days a week in the afternoons. I have found this a whole lot more challenging than I ever anticipated. My schedule just seems so packed. When I originally set this up with Leah and Jason, I really just thought it wouldn't be that hard and that caring for Logan would be the same as caring for Ainsley. I was wrong in that assessment. Logan is a bit more fussier than Ainsley is but that isn't' really the problem. He's a baby and can't be blamed for that. The problem is that he is a baby and I already have a baby. One cries and the other is hungry. I can't hold them both at the same time. They are trying to go to sleep and they are both crying and keeping the other one awake. One of them always gets the short end of the stick and I feel like that is usually Ainsley since Logan is younger and it's hard to let someone else's kid cry. I feel responsible to make sure he is happy all the time because he's not mine. Taking care of both of them makes me not envy my friends who have twins. I don't know how you do it. In addition to that, the schedule is just rough. I drop Ainsley off at 7:15 and go to work. I meet them back at my house at 3:00 after having rushed home from work. Logan is here from then until anywhere from 5:30 to 7:15 depending on the day. In that time, I am on constant alert and usually don't have time to eat lunch or go to the bathroom. To say that my housework is behind is an understatement. Those of you who will be at my house anytime soon, please ignore it. We don't usually eat dinner until 8:30. I go to bed exhausted every night. And to top it all, my child still won't sleep through the night! So on Tuesday night when Jason picked Logan up, I told them that I need to cut my hours back to 3 days a week instead of 5. I am still concerned that I have hurt their feelings and that I have disappointed them but I had to do it in order to be a better mother, wife, and child care provider. So here is a picture of my sweet Logan playing in the exersaucer.

In addition to that, I have been going crazy at work. Remember this post. Well, the first part of that transition went great. Everyone loves the new system. The second part was to run commissions out of the new system. It's money we are paying out so it's important that they be right. I had the majority of that job done before this week and was ready to go, so I thought. Throughout this week my boss has thought of other scenarios that we didn't think of and I ended up re-writing my job 4 times. There were multiple times over the week that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I actually had to have Ryan come home on Thursday afternoon to take care of the babies so that I could stay at work. After all of that stress, we ran on Thursday and my boss checked each one. With a few exceptions, everything worked perfectly and I got the "Great Job" from my boss. Phew. Now to clean up all the other stuff at work that has been put on hold while I worked on this.

Part 3 of this maddening week is my step father in law, Blu. He has CLL which is a form of Leukemia. Over the past few weeks he and my mother in law, Lonnie have been trying to decide the best treatment options for him as his disease has progressed to the next level. After much prayer and discussions, they decided to go to a cancer treatment center in Philadelphia. They have been up there this whole week while Blu has gotten his first rounds of chemo. To top that off, he turned 65 on Wednesday. Happy Birthday to Blu! Here is a picture of him with Ainsley over Christmas.

Part 4 and the worst part of my week started on Wednesday evening. We were getting Ainsley ready for bed when the phone rang. It was Ryan's 26 year old brother, Taylor, calling to tell us that he had been to the doctor and had been diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. They were doing surgery on Friday to remove the bad one. Are you kidding me? He's 26. He had a scan on Thursday that came up clear so we think that it hasn't spread yet but won't be able to fully confirm that until the blood work comes back next week. He had the surgery on Friday. Ryan, his dad (Bob), and his fiance (Jenny) were at the hospital. His mom was still in Philly with Blu and couldn't be there. The surgery went well but he is in a lot of pain now. The initial pathology didn't come back that good either. It's not the worst case scenario but it's not the best either. We have to wait for the full pathology to come back before we know what happens next. Our church and Bob's office have joined together to provide food for him for the next week. We are asking for anyone who prays to pray for Taylor and Jenny as they go through this next week. It's going to be difficult. Here's a face with a name on that too. This is another picture from Christmas.

So after all of that, I am relieved that the week is over. This little girl has been a wonderful distraction during it all. She's too cute not to be. Here's hoping next week will be better.

Everyday Unwrapped

My friend Emily is doing a special with her blog. She is asking everyone to notice the everyday.

The Christmas season is a hard time to do that. We all have our commitments, our gifts to buy, our love ones to visit. It's why it's often referred to as the "hustle and bustle". I am no different than anyone else. In just the past week, I have gone to 2 parties, decorated my house, shopped online for my family, researched what to buy for Ryan's family, and of course baked for my party with the 75 person guest list coming up in 2 weeks.

Last night Ryan got home from work and I declared to him that I was in a bad mood. I was feeling down and I couldn't figure out why. It was classic hormone issues. I didn't want to do anything. I had baking I could have been doing. I had dinner to make. I had packages to put together for our health business. I had laundry to fold. I had bottles to prepare for the next day.

But then there was this moment. We had given Ainsley her bath. I had put her in her red reindeer pajamas. It was time to feed her. This is when I absolutely love breastfeeding. It provides me with the 15 minutes to sit down every couple hours. We sat down on the couch and I began to feed her. She was really sleepy so she was super cuddly in her fuzzy pajamas. She nuzzled right in and went about eating. She was just about done, when she slowly drifted off to sleep, which is something she never does. She lay in my lap, still, quietly loving me. As I gazed on her, I was overcome with my everyday. As Ryan carried her to bed, still asleep, I was overcome with love for my family. My everyday is good.

The Sweet Voice

I hadn't talked to my mom since Saturday morning. I got busy on Sunday and then on Monday she had her episode. I didn't talk with her when we found out she was headed to the hospital. I didn't get to talk to her throughout the day today. I was starting to feel very frantic.

I know I was probably overreacting but I have a tendency to think the worst. I was beginning to feel like I would never hear the sweet voice of my mother. I spoke with my dad twice today, fairly early. Even though my dad told me that she was going to be OK and that they were still running tests, I needed to hear in her voice that she was doing OK.

I think about people who I have known and lost and I realize that their voices is what I miss the most. You can always look at pictures, but so much of who we are is communicated with our voice. Our emotions, our feelings, and our souls all come through.

At 2:30 today, I finally got to talk with my mom. The familiar "Hallow" greeted me at the other end of the line. I felt the instant connection that I was craving. My mom was OK. There are still issues, but she sounded good. I know someday I won't be able to hear that voice again. That day will break my heart. For now, it looks like that day won't be today. I can only thank Jesus for that.

As for those of you who want the real health update, here it is...She is staying another night in the hospital. They did an MRI of her brain and they found a small spot where an artery had expanded and calcified. This seems to be an old issue and not the current problem. They are going to do an ultrasound of her kidneys tomorrow to check for artery blockages. They have given her new medication and are observing her for now. She will be in the hospital again tonight. If all goes well, she will be released tomorrow. They will wait for her BP to stabilize and then she will need to take a stress test. To sum it up, they really don't know the cause but they are trying to stabilize with medication. Continued prayer is appreciated.

Do Not Fear

My life verses are Isaiah 43:1-4. I have relied on them many times in my life. They were the verses I turned to during labor. They comfort me grately.

Tonight my dad called for the second time in a week saying that he and my mom were at the hospital. My mother has high blood pressure naturally, but twice in the past week, it has gotten dangerously high. They ran all kinds of tests on Friday and sent her home not knowing what was causing it. She has been monitoring it for since then.

Today she took it again and it was 216/102. They called the ambulance and headed back to the hospital. They live in the middle of no where (I mean it) and the closest hospital is 45 minutes away.

As I sit and wait it out, my human nature tells me to freak. I am a worrier by nature. I think to some degree, we all are. I always forecast the worst. This is why I must cling to my Jesus. He is the great comforter. When I have a need to fear, I must remember that he has conquered the grave. Even if the worst were to happen, I know that I am a daughter of the King. So is my mom. Grace has covered us. So tonight I again rest in this...

Isaiah 43:1- 4

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.