NC Computer Mama

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Walk through the Desert

It's been a while since I posted. It's hard to post when you feel like everything you have to say would be negative. I have been dealing with a few minor things in my life that have brought me anxiety. I went to Jamaica for a quick 2 day stay for Taylor's wedding and Ainsley was sick. I have been dealing with many software changes at work that have not gone over well with users. I have been sick myself. I feel as if I am always disappointing my husband. I am battling with the last 8 pounds of pregnancy weight.

In the midst of all the minor negatives and all the anxiety, we are supposed to run to God. Why am I not doing that? Why do I insist on trying to do it all myself?

I have been going through a very dry spot in my spiritual walk right now. I cannot remember the last time I had my Bible open outside of a Sunday. I go to church with Ryan every Sunday and it's usually half way through the sermon that I think that I should talk to him about my general disregard for spiritual things. But I never say anything. I keep it to myself thinking, I can fix it this week. But the week passes and I find myself back in the pew thinking the same thing again. I think I have been in a time of denial. Denying my dependence on the One I should be dependent on. Living in my own independence. Living like a toddler who is always saying, I don't need help.

I need some quiet before the Lord. I am very thankful that tomorrow is Friday and I only have one thing on my schedule. My to do list is short. It contains one thing right now...spending time with my Creator and Savior.

Any words of encouragement?