Being a Mom can be Hard

WARNING...I am about to talk about breast feeding. Continue on at your own risk...

Before I even got pregnant, I was committed to breast feeding a baby for at least a year. I knew there would be difficulties but I was going to do it no matter what. I know that breast milk is best for the baby and it is also much cheaper. I was committed.

Today, I am questioning that commitment. I know this is just one of the difficulties that I will have to endure, but it's really hard this week. Let me start by saying that I have never had a huge supply of milk. I hear stories of people leaking. I am not one of those people. I have always had enough for Ainsley. Surplus is a dream, not a reality.

I have been back at work for 3 1/2 weeks now. I had arranged with my boss that while at work, I would pump twice. Everything was going fairly smooth until this week. Typically at work when I pump, I get at least 4 ounces. I also pump right before I go to bed. Usually another 4 ounces. That puts me even for the day.

Yesterday I struggled to get my 4 ounces at work, but I did it. I pumped before I went to bed and only got 2 ounces. I was down 2 ounces. My freezer only has about 3 days surplus so I can't afford to go down. I decided that I would get up at 1:45 to pump again. I did it. And then I was up again at 4:30 with Ainsley.

Today I struggled even more. My first pump I got 3 1/2 ounces. The second only 3. I called the Women's Hospital. They told me that I am doing everything right and to just keep feeding her alot and pumping alot. They said to try pumping after I feed her. I got home today and thought I would give this a shot. I had my bottles on the coffee table attached to the pump on the floor. My dog, Tucker, ran by and knocked one over. I only lost a tiny bit but my heart broke. I work so hard for each and every drop.

So here it is 7:30 and Ainsley is down for the night. I am down 5.5 ounces. I will pump at least 2 more times tonight. I can only pray that I will get enough to be even by the time I wake up and start it all over again tomorrow.

Do any moms out there have any suggestions or words of encouragement? I could sure use them.