Am I Addicted?

I read this article on CNN.com today. It talks about how new mothers are at risk for internet addiction. Are you kidding me is what I thought before I read it. Then I read it. It described me to a T. I am now back at work and not a stay at home mom like the article states, but I think my maternity leave left me with a big addiction problem.

My problem is not that big of a deal on the actual computer. It's my darn iPhone. I am constantly on it checking my email, checking the stocks, checking my blogs, checking Facebook, playing a game, etc.

I am virtually standing up and saying "My name in Tracey and I'm an Internet Addict". I am going to go radio silent for a week. I think it's the only thing that I can do to get myself in check. I'll be checking my work email on my phone but that's it. I'm going to check my email on my home computer and my work computer but that's it (no Facebook either). No iPhone for a week.

My week starts....NOW!!!

Perspective

As I have been going through the past couple of weeks as a Krumroy, I have been constantly reminded to change my perspective. As I have said in previous posts, my brother in law, Taylor, has a rare form of testicular cancer and has had to have 2 surgeries in the past 6 weeks.

As I sit and watch, I find myself very sad very often about my own selfishness and sin. As my life goes on with work and the care of Ainsley, I catch myself feeling self pity over a headache or the extra weight I am carrying around.

And then I start to think about Taylor. It's so hard to complain about anything when this formerly healthy 26 year old is in the hospital struggling through each day with his loved ones camped out beside his bed. He is a shell of his former self. Despite every effort to stay positive, he is continually hit from every direction with a new challenge and yet through each obstacle he remains the same Taylor that we love. He is caring, emotional, loving, sweet, and funny. I am not saying he does not have struggles, because he does. Who wouldn't? What I am saying is that he is a fighter. He is fighting through each step.

Please join us in this fight for his life. Become a pray warrior with us and pray for healing. Pray that the doctor's would figure out what is wrong with his digestive system so that he can begin to eat again. Pray for his spirits to continually be lifted up. Pray for his strength to come back. Pray for the strength of those around him, specifically his fiance Jenny, his mother Lonnie, his father Bob, his brother (my husband) Ryan, and his sister Jordyne.

If you want to send any of them an encouraging note, they would all love it. Let them know you are praying for them. Here are the email addresses:

Taylor - tkrumroy@hotmail.com
Jenny - sugurgurrl6@hotmail.com
Lonnie - adorned@triad.rr.com
Bob - bkrumroy@hotmail.com
Ryan - renewedhealth@hotmail.com
Jordyne - siono716@gmail.com

Welcome Sadie May

Even though we miss Sally Jo, Sadie May the chicken arrived today.

The other girls have accepted her with open feathers. They are our happy chicken family.

With a Cluck Cluck Here

Old Mr. Krumroy had a farm E-I-E-I-O. Ok, he's not old but we definitely have a farm now. I knew Ryan loved animals when I married him, I just didn't know we would have an Urban farm some day.

If you follow me on Facebook, you have seen me refer to the chickens. I now feel the need to elaborate. I was going to earlier but we got them the day of Taylor's surgery and I felt it was quite inappropriate to do so then. (By the way, pray for him as he is back in the hospital with major digestive tract issues.)

Ryan started talking about getting chickens months ago. At first it was a joke and then he started really looking into it. He was quickly sold on the idea because he is Dr. Doolittle. I took a bit of convincing. He had a friend from high school even trying to convince me via Facebook. Finally I told him that we could get them but I would be uninvolved.

He had a custom coup made for the chickens. It's actually pretty fancy and not really an eye-sore at all. Here's a picture. Notice the cute ladder that they use to get to the top where they have their beds and lay their eggs (which they haven't figured out yet). It's ok because they are only about 9 weeks old and they won't start laying eggs until 24 weeks. And in case you are wondering, because everyone does, you don't need a rooster to get eggs. It works just like us, I don't need a man to ovulate.

The big day arrived and our friend Travis picked them up for us. They were delivered in a box on our front porch. I have to say, I wasn't super excited but then I saw them. They are adorable. Here's a picture of 2 in the coup next to their watering can.

Here are all three together. They all have good southern double names. I thought it would be fun. We have Bonnie Ray (the gold one), Peggy Sue, and Sally Jo. Peggy Sue and Sally Jo were referred to as the twins when the first arrived. Can you see why?

So we have had our chickens for over a week, and I am attached. It was a few days ago that we started to notice a big bump on Sally Jo's head. Over the past few days, it has gotten worse. Ryan called the farmer that we got her from and he asked us to bring her over to take a look. Apparently, she had some sort of a peck mark or a scratch that got infected and caused an abscess. He wanted to take her back to care for her and help her get better. In turn, he is going to give us a new chicken. I can't believe how sad I am to have to say goodbye to Sally Jo. I know she will be happy on the farm, but we will miss her. Her chicken sisters will miss her too. Here is our close up to remember her by. On the up side, a new chicken, Sadie May, will be joining us on Thursday.

Are we nuts?

Know When to Fold 'Em

I never thought I would be quoting Kenny Rogers, but alas it's appropriate. As you know, I have been taking care of our friend's baby Logan in the afternoons when I get home from work. I had him every weekday afternoon from 3:15 to anywhere from 5:30 to 7:30. I have mentioned before that I was overwhelmed.

About a month ago, I told Jason and Leah that I wasn't going to be able to do it any longer. I hated having to give up and that is really what it felt like at first. I felt like a failure and I absolutely hate feeling like a failure.

My reasoning really came down to one thing, I was lost. Yes there was the fact of caring for 2 infants, but that wasn't my driving force. My driving force was that I had zero time in my day to even breath. My schedule went something like this...

5:47 - Alarm goes off
6:05 - Get out of bed reluctantly after hitting snooze twice
7:05 - Leave the house after rushing through a shower, breakfast, nursing Ainsley, and getting both of us dressed
7:20 - Arrive at MaryBeth's house for a quick drop off and rush to work
7:45 - Arrive at work for a high pressured day of programming computers (stopping twice to pump - BLAH!!!)
2:30 - Leave work to rush to MaryBeth's to pick up Ainsley
2:45 - Spend 2 minutes with MaryBeth getting the run down of Ainsley's day
3:15 - Arrive at home to meet Leah and Logan (sometimes in my driveway when I got there)
7:00 - Put Ainsley to bed (sometimes with Logan still here)
8:00 - Pull dinner out to eat
9:30 - Pump again
10:30 - Off to bed to start it all over again

So what that tells me is that there was not a single second to just relax. I know as a mother that's not unusual. But there was no time for me to change out of work clothes, go to the bathroom, or even eat lunch.

My big thing was that I was feeling like there was nothing left for Ryan. I think it's easy to fall into the trap of letting your baby become everything while neglecting your husband. This is very dangerous but I think a lot of mothers do it. My mother in law and I were just talking about it yesterday. Ryan and I have a great marriage after 9 years, but I would be lying if I said that the addition of a baby hasn't made things much harder. The addition of 2 made it near impossible. This is something I'm not willing to sacrifice for anything.

My second biggest thing was the lunch thing. My work has weird policies about smells and foods at your desk so I couldn't eat anything but snacks. After my second day in a row of eating a full row of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies for lunch, I knew it was time for a change.

My third thing was the lack of time for physical activity. I had no time to exercise or even enjoy the NC spring weather. My goal now is to start using my baby jogger at least 3 times a week. My friend Jessica and I are committing to run an easy 2 mile race in June. I know it's not much but it gives me a goal.

So on Monday I start my new schedule. I have to work to 3:30 to incorporate a 30 minute lunch break and to make up some of the cost of the additional day care costs. I am actually really excited to make this change. I will miss seeing Logan, Leah, and Jason on a daily basis but I think they understand. Here's to knowing your limits!

Argh!

Why is it on the afternoon that I want to take a nap so badly, Ainsley won't nap? She sat in her crib and cried or talked for over an hour. Who can sleep with a baby jabbering in your ear via the monitor. Not me!

Finally Some Good News

I just got the best text message. Taylor is officially CANCER FREE! The pathology came back clean and no chemo is required.

We are so incredibly thankful for all of you who have prayed. We can only ask for prayers for healing from the surgery now. The road to recovery is long and hard but we made great strides today!

The Latest on Taylor

For those of you who don't know, Ryan's brother Taylor has been through some major junk lately. He is a run down of his latest happenings...

• Beginning of March - diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. Had surgery to remove one. The pathology came back Level 2 - Germ Cell Cancer
• While recovering from surgery, he came down with a horrible stomach virus. He lost 18 pounds in 2 weeks.
• The final pathology came back and it was recommended that he have surgery to remove the lymph nodes in his stomach. The surgery would be an incision from his sternum to his groin. We were told this was really the only option since this kind of cancer is extremely aggressive and will not respond to chemo alone.
• The weekend before the major surgery, one of his teeth cracked. Being that it was Easter weekend no dentists were open. Ryan's dad got his dentist to open the office and fix his tooth so that he would not have to deal with that during his extensive recovery from surgery.

That brings us to yesterday. The surgery to remove his lymph nodes was scheduled for 7:00am at Wake Forest Hospital in Winston. Taylor was in good spirits as he went back into surgery. They began at 8:11 and the surgery lasted 5 hours. Once in recovery, it took a good bit of time for them to get the pain under control enough to move him to a room. When we saw him at 4:30 in the afternoon, he was still hurting really bad. It made having a baby look like a walk in the park. I really just can't imagine the pain that he is going through. We are hoping that he is past the worst of it but I kind of doubt that. They were talking about getting him up and out of bed today. This sounds like an incredibly painful endeavor knowing that all of his stomach muscles have been cut through.

The initial pathology came back that the cancer had metastasized to at least one node. We have to wait until Thursday or Friday for those results. At this point, chemo might be necessary but we won't know anything until then. I really don't want to speculate on any of that until we get the final word from the doctors. At this point, we just want to focus on getting Taylor through these next few days and weeks. Jenny, his fiance, spent the night with him at the hospital last night. She has to work today so his mom and dad are going to split the day today. Ryan is going out there after work today.

I would like to ask for you to pray for everyone in our family. Obviously Taylor needs prayer for physical healing. Pray also for Jenny, his fiance as she supports him through this. Pray for Bob and Lonnie, Taylor's mom and dad. I can't even imagine seeing my child go through such an ordeal. Pray for Lonnie specifically as she balances care for Taylor and her husband who has CLL (a form of Leukemia) and has just finished his second round of chemo.

Thanks
The Krumroy family

Why Do I Care?

Recently I had someone say something really mean to me. I'm not going to go into it because it's not important to this discussion. What bothers me is how much I let other people's opinions of me affect me. Why do I care so much about what others think of me?

This has been a struggle my whole life. Call it insecurity if you would like. Some would see it that way. I see it differently though. I see it as sin. Of course it's not ok for people to be mean and that too is sin. BUT, I cannot control other people. I can only control myself. And right now, all I see is selfishness.

Any advice on how to get past myself?